Wow aren't you glad I'm not pissed at you today!

Ja so I'm in a bitchy whiny mood today, sue me.

I chipped a front tooth last week, nothing bad but noticable to me. So I make an appointment for 1.30pm today. Knowing how my dentist's office likes loosing our patient file, I get there at 1pm exactly. Get my file sorted (wow how'd they lose the contents this time round I wonder? The paper monster eat it??). By 1.20pm I am sitting in a chair waiting...and waiting...so I take out my cell phone. It's got sudoko on it, may as well entertain myself for 10 minutes. I keep an eye on the clock above the door. Since I got there at 1pm, I've heard nothing but talking and laughter coming out one of the offices. It's all cool, means the dentist is not hurting her patients. At 1.40pm the receptionist peeks into my dentist's office and comes out to say that they won't be long, she's nearly done with her patient. Great, it's not like I only got here you know, you morons made me come out early because you always lose our file.

Another 10 minutes of silently swearing at my cell phone (level genius 99th game just doesn't want to play along!).

In the 50 minutes I have been here, I have learned that one of your patients has a son who must come off her medical file...oh and you don't have him on in the first place and the paper monster's eaten the insides...and the other receptionist is fighting her medical insurance over a chronic medical benefit.....the lady who cleans the office and makes your tea you suspect of having AIDS (Why? Because she's black perhaps? And as we all know all black people here have AIDS.[insert eyeroll smiley]). You think all English people are snobs...gee you think? Oh and the specialised day care the younger receptionist sends her diabetic daughter to whenever she is sick you think is just fine because after all who would look after those types of children. Only you aren't referring to black kids this time...you are referring to disabled kids.

At 2pm I get up to go to the toilet and you tell me I can't the dentist is done. Eat toiletpaper bitch! I need to go. I finally get into my dentist's office and find out the reason she is now running more than 30 minutes late is because the previous patient is a longtime friend, they spent half the time getting caught up on each other's news and the other half actually doing some dental stuff.

And when I finally get to leave, you want to have a conversation with me, as if you know me and are my new BFF.....WTFever! Just process my damn claim ok?

Dear Friends

who have my email address....not my Yahoo! for everyday ezine/website use, my home private use one. Yes that includes all my family members!

For the love of all that you consider holy, can you please stop sending me all this shit! Really, do I need to know that China has an ongoing war with PETA about their fur farms? Do I really need to know that little Jane disappeared in a mall and someone shaved her head and doped her up? (That little gem has been going around the interwebz for about 4 years now.) Do I really need to know that the cancer kid from some country far far away really needs my help collecting cards as it is his/her dying wish to enter the Guiness world record for having the most cards? (That one's been going around even longer!) All those chain letters, the ones that say I did it and won a fortune in money! Or the ones that say hey friend I love you, with the dancing bees. The ones that talk about blacks taking over the white man's country, raping and killing our children as they do.

And today's little gem....the 3meg file with all the pretty little pictures! Yes babies are cute, I had two of them remember? But did you really have to send it to me five fucking times?????

Don't misunderstand my little rant, I'm not ungrateful that you all think of me when you send me emails, I love getting news from far and near. I just absolutely hate that you have to forward me every piece of spam and shit that you get!

From now on, I will delete all of them without reading them and you better hope that your news, the one email I really do want to read, doesn't get lost in there somewhere. Else I will have to ban your email address.

Your friend

Claudine

Why parents drink

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick one day. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

"Hello?"

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes." whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your mommy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with here?" Again the small voice whispered "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a mesage, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman and the priest," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle....

"ME!"

What a game!

What a game it turned out to be! We won 28 - 25, but like last Saterday, nearly lost it.


Schalk - ek hoop jou pa moer jou vir wat jy gister gedoen het!


The ref, a Frenchman who could barely speak English, was spectacularly absent in his reffing of the game. Missed so many high and dangerous tackles by the Lions but saw each and every 1 of the few we made. Saw each and every mistake and blew while the Lions got away with loads of dirty play.

Boys, can I ask you one thing though....PLEASE do not leave it in the dying moments to win it! Don't give the Brits hope! And coach, catch a wake up man!

Player 23

Today for the first time I will be going to watch an international rugby match at Loftus. I've been for other games but this is a big one. The Lions come round to our patch of green once every 12 years so this is going to be a special one.

We won the first test narrowly last weekend after the coach pulled 5 crucial players 20 minutes before the end. He probably thought it was in the bag and then we fell apart and allowed them to catch up. Hopefully he's learnt his lesson and won't do that again today.

The Beast and Schalk...shit....gonna be soaking wet after the first few seconds! Must.remember.to.take.extra.pants!

The end of an era?

Michael Jackson died yesterday after what sounds like a massive heart attack. He was 50. He died the same day that Farah Fawcett died of cancer. She was 62.

I was never a fan, in fact when he came over to South Africa (I think it was in 1997?), Himself went to the concert with friends while I got to watch Other C onstage during her dance school's annual recital. One of the songs they danced to was a Michael Jackson song so I got to hear him at least!

He was one of the most influential people in the pop music industry and I am sure will be sorely missed for his spurts of innovative brilliance. Out of all the songs he wrote and performed, Thriller and Forget About Me are the ones I liked the most.

Like others before him, he changed forever the music landscape into something infinitely better.

RIP MJ.

Birthday parties and dirty dishes rant

J&C had one party to go to yesterday morning and then J had one directly after to go to. Himself made a delicious breakfast (thanks babe!) for us all before we left home at 10.25am.

I got home just after 2pm after having 1 cupcake, a slice of peppermint tart and 2 cups of tea. In the space of 3 hours. I was hungry but the countertop was still full of leftover cutup onions, bacon and other shit. I couldn't make myself something to eat until all the dirty dishes and food and ants were cleaned up so that there was some space to work on. Himself sat on his arse and watched rugby. Yay. He did say that he'd wash the dishes later...serioiusly? And when would that have been? At 5pm after the last game finished and you wanted dinner?

Fitted sheets and my inability to sew

Fucking hell!

I have no inclination to sew myself, I hate it. With a passion. But fucking damn it all to hell why can the woman who supposedly knows these things not get my fucking extra long extra deep queen size fucking sheet made to fit my bed?????

This is the second time I have had a sheet made by this woman and she still cannot get the sizing right! I even gave her one of my old sheets to use as a fucking template and the new one also doesn't fit!

FUCK!

YAY FOR BABIES!

At the beginning of June Other C (my sister) came to stay for one night. She said at the time that she wasn't feeling well, all tummy buggy and nauseous. Well duh! That's how you are supposed to feel if you are knocked up Sis! :) :) :) I'm going to be an aunty again!

YAY FOR BABIES!

At the beginning of June Other C (my sister) came to stay for one night. She said at the time that she wasn't feeling well, all tummy buggy and nauseous. Well duh! That's how you are supposed to feel if you are knocked up Sis! :) :) :) I'm going to be an aunty again!

I love rain

Since Monday we have had 4 days of almost non-stop rain. In winter here the grass dries up and when idiots throw their cigarette butts out the window, the grass on the side of the road flares up quite quickly. The road I take to and from the primary school has black veld on both sides in all the open spaces. After this bout of rain though it will probably go bright green with new growth, undoing the damage those idiots with their cigarettes did.

I don't know about anyone else but there is nothing that screams beauty like the veld after a rainstorm. It's all wet and shiny and new.

When Life's a Bitch, you feel like dying.

A friend has just lost another baby. She was about 21 weeks along. In the last few years she has lost quite a few babies, some earlier than this latest loss.

There's no reason for them. None. Life's a bitch....

Family

Family's like a prickly pear, all thorny on the outside and tough as nails to get into. On the inside delicious flesh that you want to squish into your mouth in one go. Sometimes.


Last night the Other C (my younger sister) spent the night. J and C have been eagerly anticipating her stay, asking every night how many more sleeps until she stays over. We treated her to dinner at Primi Piatti, it's her 34th birthday (yes for those who follow my blog I made damn sure she's turning 34!) on the 4th of June.

She's 5 years younger than me, we grew up effectively in different generations and only really started getting along when she finished high school and started working. Now that we are both in our 30s, the age difference is immaterial.

She also lives 15oo miles away and we only get to see each other once a year for any length of time. Having her sleep over last night was great! The kids got to stay up past their bedtime, J got his birthday present, I got mine, she got hers...we're all happy!

That is until this morning. J and C woke up before Other C left and got to say goodbye (until probably December). J dropped her off at her office on his way to work. About 20 minutes after she left, C dropped her cereal spoon and ran to the bathroom. Crying. I spent the next few minutes trying to calm her down and assure her that we would see Other C again. It's heartbreaking watching a 6 year old child cry her heart out and there is nothing you can do to comfort her.

Living so far away has huge benefits but the downside...not being able to see those family members you want to squish......that sucks donkey balls.

No I don't have swine flu!

Yes I am taking Tamiflu and no I don't have swine flu!

And guess what! It's working!

I can breathe again.

For now.