Sunday, August 30, 2009

A conversation....

So, my daughter's vagina seems to have a name....Spongebob.....

I overheard a conversation this evening while they were showering.

Much singing...Spongebob Square Pants!....Spongebob Square Pants! My vagina is Spongebob Square Pants!

Hey J, my surname will change when I get married.

It won't. You will still have the same surname.

No I won't. I'll take my husband's surname when I get married. Your wife will have your surname and I will have my husband's surname.

Not if you marry R at achool! His surname is the same as ours!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Random kid sayings

J, my 8 year old son, has come up with some really interesting things lately...

Quite a while ago he discovered that when he peed, his penis could sometimes stand erect and the flow would go wherever he decided...until one day it wouldn't do it. He came out of the bathroom totally aghast because the bone in his penis was broken....

A few weeks ago he decided his genitals needed a name. So far, his penis is Jack....

Three days ago he told me that he can't wait to become a man.

Yesterday he told me that he is a man...because he snores.....and only men snore.

C, my 6 year old daughter, is thinking of a name for her vagina....

Bulls vs Province

I'm a rugby fanatic, I worship the leather ball that is Rugubus.

As with the American Civil War, there are two factions of rugby supporters in South Africa, one in the north - the Blue Bulls, and one in the south, Western Province. Having grown up in Western Province territory, I am a Province supporter, a foot soldier on the frontline of the game. I live in the north though, an unfriendly place if you do not support the Blue Bulls.

Oh there is good-natured ribbing verging on the insulting, like with most sport affiliations. It goes both ways. The best part of a game is when we are on the winning side. Our neighbour pulls his Blue Bulls supporters flag down to halfmast when that happens.

A few weeks ago there was some speculation around two Blue Bulls players. One has in the meantime signed up for Province. The other is staying tied to their apron strings.

Let the War of the North and South begin!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Blowing smoke...

I put my foot in my mouth often. If you had to speak to my family, they'd tell you I'd probably die choking on my foot!

If someone asks you an honest question (bear in mind this is on the interwebz), would you answer and blow smoke up that person's arse, or would you answer honestly and leave out names to keep a thread on a bulletin board happy?

I answered honestly, but forcefully, leaving out names. Now some wussies are jumping up and down because I did. [Insert eyeroll here]. WTF people! You want the truth or do you want sunshine and roses that mean sweet fuckall at the end of the day?

I'm not the sunshine and roses type and even though I do put my foot in it often enough to cause some shit sometimes, I am also not eternally bitchy enough to want to hurt someone for asking an honest question, or for derailing something that seemed for the most part actually quite positive. Ok so I want to stomp on someone and feed her body parts to the rats...does that make me a bad person?

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Pretoria - the Pink City

When anyone mentions the Pink Rand, I automatically think of Cape Town as the Pink City. The tolerance and general gayness just seems so Cape Town.

The Cape Town gay person is loads of fun, full of life, full of opinions and generally totally gay.

The Pretoria gay person is also loads of fun and full of life and totally gay. But in the Afrikaans community, being gay is definately a sin and goes against the natural order of things. It's ok to be gay, as long as you don't come out the closet.

Until now. Next Saturday the 15th, at one of the holiest of holy Afrikaans monuments, the gay and lesbian community in Pretoria are "coming out" in style!

So if you find yourself anywhere near the Voortrekker Monument, and have 5o bucks to spare, join them! There's going to be a Pink Market! I might just go for the shopping and forget the entertainment.

Friday, August 07, 2009


When we lived in Cape Town, we rarely went down to Blouberg beach. We lived not even 5 minutes away from a crisp, clean white beach with fantastic surf, where the morning mist smelling of sea and salt would come curling over your wall at 6am and slowly slap you awake in the summer.

This morning at about 10am the sun was shining with a misty haze, the breeze was blowing ever so lightly....if I closed my eyes I could pretend that the breeze was salty and that the rush of the wind in the leaves was the sound of the waves crashing down on the beach.

I miss home.