Sunday, October 10, 2010


I will preface this post by saying that apart from watching the first Twilight movie, I have not read any of the books nor seen any of the other movies.


According to popular culture, Real Vampires

* have fangs
* are whiter than OMO can wash your whites
* fuck like there's no tomorrow (sex and blood go together like bread and butter)
* are practically immortal
* have an aversion to wooden stakes
* burn when touched by sunlight like a KKK wooden cross doused in petrol at night
* have no conscience
* are dead
* therefore cannot breed

According to Stephanie Meyer, Twilight Vampires

* have really strong teeth
* sparkle like diamonds (redifine bling) when sunlight hits their skin
* are all breathy and sigh like a Victorian virgin on her wedding night
* make boring love
* live at home with mom and dad
* play extreme sports at night
* breed

I don't know about you all but I prefer my vampires in the midst of a blood and sex lust with a killer techno soundtrack ala Kate Beckinsale in Underworld.

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