Questions parents dread being asked

C had a playdate yesterday so it was just J and I. I took him with to PnP for some retail therapy. On the way there, he asked how old you have to be to become a grandmother.

Now the two Oumas are both over 60. Himself and I were far too lazy to do the whole get-married-out-of-high-school-and-start-popping-babies-out-right-away thing. We started dating in 1988, got married in 1997 and had J in 2001. A whole 13 years after first meeting. Naturally the Oumas were concerned that 1) my eggs were dying faster than they could ever be impregnated, 2) they would never ever ever get to hold grandchildren and 3) we'd be ancient if and when we ever did procreate. I think at one point the Oumas were so desperate they were willing to forego the usual white wedding just to hold a baby.

Nevertheless, we went on to produce 1 more before calling it quits and closing up the factory.

So, how do you answer that? I thought for a long minute then said that there is no right age to become a grandmother. J persisted. I dodged. Then he changed tactics and asked how old he should be when he has a child. Remember now, this is a 9yo kid who hasn't even noticed there are such creatures as girls. And that those same girls are even remotely interesting in any way other than to play rugby with.

I started by saying that you become a father when you meet someone you love enough to want to live with marry and then a while later you both decide to have a child (silently still debating live with vs marry). He thought for a minute (by this time I was pulling into a parking spot) then asked how you have children. Okay. Where's Himself when I really need him?? Isn't it the father's job to have The Talk with their sons??

He asked again. Loudly. The waiter outside Wimpy turned to look in my direction. I walked past. No way was I stopping there for a quick milkshake and a frank discussion about sex with my 9yo son!

After a few minues J asked again. I really tried to dodge the question this time but nope. He wanted to know. So I asked if he knew what sex was.

Yes, he says, that's when a male and female mate with each other.

Oookay. (Been watching a few too many Animal Planet shows.)

So then the mommy carries the baby in her stomach.

Right. Yes.

So how old do you have to be to put the baby in the mommy's stomach?

Um. Never Oh 25?

That's old.

Yes my boy, that's real old.

How old was dad?

33.

Wow, that's like really old.

Yes my boy, that's really old.

So do I have to be that age too?

No my boy, you can be a dad at any age you feel ready.

Oh. Okay. Can I have some chips please?