Apparently I am a good mother

How to rock as a mother :

1 - pay for drama lesson
2 - tell daughter she is getting a drama lesson
3 - let her stay up for an hour longer due to said drama lesson
4 - feed her a burger (with no sign of salad)
5 - let her sleep in the next morning

I rock. C said, so it shall be.

Bonus Monday

Spider tales

I lived in Cape Town all my life until we moved to Insanity Pretoria a couple of years ago. Up until that point, a daddy long legs was about the biggest spider I ever had to deal with.

It was the end of September when we moved in and by the first week of October that year I was ready to move back home. Not because of the people, or the culture. No. Because of the spiders. Rain spiders to be specific.

Picture this.....

A quiet morning....water running.....a shower......water stops....a terrified scream and mad footsteps dashing down the passage.....a wet naked body running.....and behind it, this freaking huge mutha spider comes running.......

I swear the thing was going to attack. It jumped from the ceiling and tried to catch me. I swear! Really.

In the 6 years since, I've been lucky enough to see them from a distance while Himself nukes them and then nukes them some more.

I've watched as someone else destroys the nests outside my bedroom window. There is no fraking way that I will ever touch those jumbo webby nests of pure malevalent evil. No way!

Then last night.....the house alarm started screaming because Himself likes to play with the remote in his pocket (I have a don't ask don't tell policy on that). My cellphone was charging next to the microwave and as I went to pick it up to answer the security company, I saw a brown creature sitting on the cupboard door looking at me. It's evil little eyes daring me to touch my phone. Himself, just as shit scared (he screams like a girl when they run over his hand), grabbed the broom and tried to brush it down off the cupboard door. So what does the evil creature do? It jumps onto the counter and crawls down into the cupboard where I keep all my plastic junk.

Himself grabbed the Doom canister and started spraying like a demented creature into the cupboard.

This morning I cautiously opened the door with the broom handle.

A conversation overheard...

At the gym this week the ladies have been trying to be inventive. Out with the ABBA remixed rubbish and in with Club Anthems remixed cds. Also rubbish.

Between gasping for breath and trying not to flood the place with sweat...

Old Lady : Oh this is something new.

Middle Aged Lady : The music?

Old Lady : Yes. I must say I don't like it.

Middle Aged Lady : Yes, I agree. It's not good music.

Old Lady : In my day, we could actually sing along to the music.

Middle Aged Lady : In my day we listened to U2. (U2 song playing in background with a hard beat to it). We didn't listen to this rubbish. I don't even know what this song is! (so much for being a U2 fan...)

Wax

At the ripe old age of 40 I have finely found out what it feels like to have your pubic hair removed by hot wax.

ALLTHAT'SFRIGGINHOLY!!!WTF WAS THAT!!!!!!!!!!

Ja, it was sore. Then she did my eyebrows.

I hate eating out

Or so says a survey of 2000 women in the UK by a slimming pill company.

According to the article :

- 1000 felt guilty

- 500 avoided it altogether

- 1200 worry that they will cave to temptation

- 600 worry they will end up eating much more than they should because the portions are so much larger

- 66 worry about the lack of nutritional info

- 1000 made up for the overconsumption of calories by cutting down the rest of the week

- 1000 won't eat Chinese or Indian because they fear the food has a high fat content

- 1400 don't eat fish and chips because it's unhealthy

I'd have had more respect for the figures if a medical group not involved in research, or out to make a profit, had anything to do with this "poll". A slimming pill company? Wonder how much info the women partaking in the poll received about a miracle cure for obesity?

WTF is up with Woolworths?

I have been a client of Woolworths since early 1997. In that time I am very sure that there has been a month or five where I have forgotten to pay my account or paid it a few days late. In the 13 years I have had the account, my credit limit has been increased largely due to my payment history. My very good payment history. My current credit limit is scary high, one that I refuse to make use of.

So why then, today at 8.15am, did the credit call centre deem it necessary to call me, reminding me that I forgot to pay last month's installment (oops! R125) and then insisting on a date of payment? I said I forgot, I'd pay it by the end of this month but no, apparently that is not good enough for Woolworths. They insist you tell them the exact date you will be paying, else you are responsible for collection fees on any outstanding amounts. WTF!

This is the first time I can remember ever getting a call from their credit call centre because I have failed to pay my account. Really, am I just taking it way too personally or should they even have called me?