Monday, September 06, 2010

Spider tales

I lived in Cape Town all my life until we moved to Insanity Pretoria a couple of years ago. Up until that point, a daddy long legs was about the biggest spider I ever had to deal with.

It was the end of September when we moved in and by the first week of October that year I was ready to move back home. Not because of the people, or the culture. No. Because of the spiders. Rain spiders to be specific.

Picture this.....

A quiet morning....water running.....a shower......water stops....a terrified scream and mad footsteps dashing down the passage.....a wet naked body running.....and behind it, this freaking huge mutha spider comes running.......

I swear the thing was going to attack. It jumped from the ceiling and tried to catch me. I swear! Really.

In the 6 years since, I've been lucky enough to see them from a distance while Himself nukes them and then nukes them some more.

I've watched as someone else destroys the nests outside my bedroom window. There is no fraking way that I will ever touch those jumbo webby nests of pure malevalent evil. No way!

Then last night.....the house alarm started screaming because Himself likes to play with the remote in his pocket (I have a don't ask don't tell policy on that). My cellphone was charging next to the microwave and as I went to pick it up to answer the security company, I saw a brown creature sitting on the cupboard door looking at me. It's evil little eyes daring me to touch my phone. Himself, just as shit scared (he screams like a girl when they run over his hand), grabbed the broom and tried to brush it down off the cupboard door. So what does the evil creature do? It jumps onto the counter and crawls down into the cupboard where I keep all my plastic junk.

Himself grabbed the Doom canister and started spraying like a demented creature into the cupboard.

This morning I cautiously opened the door with the broom handle.

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