When you are a 40 year old woman

they see you coming. They see you coming from faaaaar away.

Had my annual pap smear today (she's using a brand new plastic speculum thingy and a "new technology" swab thingy). When she realised I was almost 41, she smirked....then said "There's your referral for your annual mammogram. Once a year from now on please, once you turn 40 you have to go every year. It's preventative you see."

How to hug a baby

Step one - find a baby.

Step two - sniff object's butt to verify it is indeed a baby.

Step three - flatten the baby before beginning the hugging process.

Step four - slide paws around baby and prepare for closeup.

Step five - once human arrives with camera, execute the patented hug, smile, lean move to achieve maximum photo quality.

Rhino and Lion park

We took J&C to the Rhino and Lion Park situated in the Cradle of Humankind on Saturday morning. We'd heard the lions were rather large and wanted to see them up close. While I fully support what the lion park is doing by breeding rare white lions and wild dogs in captivity (and hopefully releasing them into the wild), the experience felt canned. You know, like the canned lion hunting we read about in the news (if you are sensitive to unnecessary brutality, don't watch the canned lion hunt video clip).

The Wonder Cave

You walk down 87 steps, climb into a rickety lift which takes you 60m underground.

The lift coming down from the entrance.

Praying Mary

The Mushroom which is approximately 2.5 billion years old

Big Cats :

At the entrance to the animal creche is a closed off touchy feely enclosed area where for R30 (about $5) you get to spend 5 minutes playing with a cub. The one on the ground being petted is about 8 months old. One of the main reasons we took J&C was to let C pet a lion cub. She's been talking about doing it since last September when we were at Zebula. This little one though was far too active for me to feel comfortable letting her go in. Hell I didn't even want to go in when the keepers all rushed up to pull him off a woman's foot.

Odi the leopard

One of the animal trainers told us that he gets miffed because he gets few visitors. His enclosure is way across the other side of the animal enclosures. She told us to call to him and he might be bored enough to come to the fence. After a few minutes spent calling to no avail, an ex employee (and Odi's trainer once) stopped by for a visit. Odi immediately sprang up and stalked / ran to the fence when he heard his name being called. Then he stalked the man up and down the length of the enclosure. At one point he rubbed his head up against the gate and then got pissed because the man wasn't really touching him. When he growled, something in the primal part of my brain said oh shit!

A half grown cub

At 1pm on Wednesdays, Saturdays and public holidays the lions are fed. We checked out the feeding area before going to the caves...the cow carcass from earlier in the week.

One of the two white lions walked between the vehicles circling the clearing where the pride was eating. Not something you want to come across in the wild, less than 2m from your window out of nowhere.

A cub tried to follow a female through the reeds to the watering hole just behind where all the cars were standing. Check out the blood soaked face.

The tigers

The one time I saw a tiger was at The Farm Inn a few years ago. It was hiding behind some bushes in a large enclosure and we didn't get too close. These 3 were right up against the fence. Huge beautiful monsters (I'm reading the Sookie Stackhouse books right now. I could not imagine walking amongst the wereanimals without shitting myself after seeing these 3.)

On the way out, we saw 2 rather large rhinos. This is what poachers kill for.

Why I like Defy

Most South African households at one time or another have had a Defy home appliance. Their products (the Gemini range) are mid range in price so is affordable without costing your soul (well maybe their combo gas / electric stainless steel contraption might be a devil's price, which I might be willing to contemplate paying, or sell the kids for the money :) ).



Their after service care is exceptional (Defy and their agents). As I should know. Because today, their Repair Dude came out to fix the door on my front loader. The door with the plastic handle that somehow or other I broke. Don't ask how I did it, I still don't know. Like I told Himself, I just opened the door up and something fell out, it wasn't the clothes I had just washed. R560 later my door is fixed and I can continue on my merry way washing clothes. Until it breaks again.

Repair Dude had a look at the oven too. The one whose door can't close properly. Ja he says, all we do is move this out the way, turn the door around and fix it to that side so you can use it again. It just opens from the wrong side. Oh and the knobs on the hob, those they have thousands of in stock, doesn't matter what model your hob is because one size truly does fit all.

Now I just have to wait for a quote to fix the door on the oven.

Work functions

I enjoy watching people. It's a major hobby whenever I am out and about. So at Himself's work function on Wednesday night, I had ample opportunity to people watch. Until I found someone who is English, lives in Cape Town and was super easy to talk to. They are such rare creatures in Pretoria.

Until that point, I was sort of enjoying myself. I'd had a glass of good wine and the pre dinner snacks were really tasty (By Word of Mouth - awesome caterers!). I had more in common with the wait staff than the work staff but hey, beggers can't be choosers right? Except maybe on occasions like this.

Topics of conversation amongst the women revolved around what's the latest cosmetic surgery going, what the maid at home is doing tonight (looking after my kids doll! And I didn't even have to pay her extra!), to everyday mundane things like how do you cope with the school traffic, most of which really didn't appeal to me. My wine, which had nothing to say, was more interesting.

The highlight of the night, meeting a certain famous rugby player who scored that magnificent drop kick that assured South Africa of the win in that world cup. I remember him for other reasons though. I remember him trotting out on the Newlands fields on many occasions playing for Western Province.

Himself and I staggered home at 1am, not because we'd had loads to drink. Oh no, it was more a case of when you are over 40, you should really be getting to bed at 9pm and not staying out past your bedtime. Thursday was a killer. Friday I am starting to recover.

The trust that some parents have

I could be a hideous serial killer ala Dexter Morgan. I could be the ringleader of a child smuggling ring. I could be plain weird. Yet parents of a child I have never met think it's ok to leave their child with me or better yet, have me collect their child at daycare and bring her home to play with C. I could never do that, implicitly trust someone with my child that I have never met.

Dressing up

Anyone who knows me irl knows that I hate clothes shopping. I am not a size zero model with legs up to FSM knows where, that I have no clue about taupe going with neon orange or that the brand new black is actually hot pink.

Rather, I spend my days in tracksuit pants, takkies (sneakers to my American friends), tshirts and various other states of only dress like this if you truly don't give a shit. And normally I don't give a shit.

Until now.

Himself has been invited to a fairly formal work function, one where the tannies who go, dress to kill with enough make up on to keep most parts of Africa covered in base for years to come. And then there's me....minimal make up, hair done at the home "salon", no nails to speak of, someone who only recently discovered the joy that is pubic waxing....a distinct aversion to anything with fashion in it's name. I am the ultimate make over slob for anyone out there who might be considering it. (Email me, we can set up a time :).)

For a few days now I have been panicking. Firstly because my go to wardrobe item (a timeless floor length black skirt) seems to have shrunk on me. Secondly, I've been popping into all the shops hoping against hope that they carry my size (tripple XL) in the newest range just imported from those Chinese sweatshops. I wonder if anyone has ever thought to educate the Chinese in western sizes? I mean really, an adult small wouldn't even fit C and she's 7 years old.

While trawling through the mall this morning I spotted a newish boutique shop. You know the one where all the fat chicks go to oohing and aaahing over the flimsy sexy looking things that look so good on that size below zero model? Where you just know the minute you walk in that they don't have your size and probably never would? That one. I really thought they wouldn't have anything that I could possibly wear. but I was wrong.

I think my black pants and black sorta heely shoes will go really well with this don't you?