Life and stuff

A roundup of the holiday

2012-01-07T11:14:00.003+02:00

We left Joburg on the 20th, managed to do all our Christmas shopping on the 18th (bought everyone books). Hermanus was awesome, the weather just perfect.

We got back home on the 6th. C was not too impressed because that was her 9th birthday. We celebrated it on the 5th. J&C go back to school on the 18th.

1 - Christmas lunch was spectacular.
2 - Presents were opened and promptly played with, read or built by the 26th.
3 - New Year's....now that was an interesting one. The house across the road from The Inlaws was rented out to a bunch of young student types. They partied, not too loudly. At around 10 minutes before midnight, one of the bright souls got out a box of fireworks, those mostly noiseless but colourful sparkly things that go up about 3 stories before bursting in a shower of colours.

One of the other neighbours from down the road came lurching out of her house, glass of booze with ice clinking in hand. She planted herself at the front gate and proceeded to shout and swear in English (half incoherently) at the students (fair enough, she had a point to make about fireworks and animals). Which in turn set the students off swearing back at her. She threatened to call the police. Then proceeded to call someone all shouting out abuse at the students implying that it was them who'd started the noisy verbal abuse (as if! We were all standing on the balcony and would have set them straight anyway). She left and came lurching back with a man. Then left again. In the meantime the students had moved their fireworks to the back of the property, where she couldn't get at them. At midnight, one of the students came back out onto the upstairs balcony and shouted out HAPPY NEW YEAR YOU OLD BAG! (The dogs on the property only started barking when the woman started shouting and swearing. The fireworks had no effect on them.)

The house across the road but a few houses away....people spent the 31st coming and going, then more and more people arrived. They camped out. After the midnight wishes floated to us on the wind, we all trooped inside to go sleep. Himself couldn't and spent an hour watching 2012 while I went to bed and read. Just before 1am, I heard one woman shout to another YOU'RE PREGNANT??? YOU THINK YOU MIGHT BE PREGNANT! and a whole babble of voices chimed in.
4 - New Year's lunch was also spectacular.
5 - We had trifle both days. AWESOME!
6 - Don't eat anything at Sandpiper in Kleinmond. Not unless you want really shit service and an attitude to boot. We took C there for her birthday. Their fish and calamari is usually beyond belief good. New owners recently took over the place and it shows. A party with 6 adults and 4 kids. We ordered food, waited an hour for the first plates to come out. As the others slowly trickled out of the kitchen, they were either cold or looked terrible. Their chips sucked donkey balls. Seriously. Oil drenched, cold and looking like someone had made them last week. The fish inside the batter tasted good but the batter itself was awful. Nothing like the beer batter of previous years. Oh and the waiter argued with MIL about what she'd ordered. Seriously dude? You'd argue with a customer? Eventually Himself went off to find the manager to complain about the ice cold food, the crap chips, the shitty attitude from the waiter. He did take off the cost of the cold plates of food. But still, probably never ever going there ever again.
7 - When will the CEM driver ever learn that they cannot just pull out into traffic without actually looking to see if there are cars coming towards them?
8 - We had a lice scare. Big C's kids had been spending time with their other cousins and one of them was infected with the nasty little fuckers.
9 - J broke out in a rash, he started with 2 on Sunday but was mostly covered by yesterday. The doc confirmed chickenpox.

All in all a great holiday. We're hoping to do the same this coming December. Well, until the world ends on the 21st, or is it the 23rd? Wonder if the Mayan calendar is going to prove to be right?

Raising Mom and Dad

2011-12-06T14:17:00.003+02:00

So, C is on her first ever sleepover. Yes, we've been anal about keeping her safe and haven't allowed her out on a sleepover. Ever. Tonight my baby will be sleeping in someone else's home for the first time. I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand I don't ever want her to leave the house but on the other she needs to experience things that her classmates have been doing for years. I am sure Himself feels just as torn as I do.

So, C, here's hoping you raised us well enough to let you go. Do. Become.

UPDATE : We survived the night and so did she.

Remake VS Original

2011-11-29T15:22:00.003+02:00

Is it just me or is the Hollywood Machine churning out remake after remake after remake instead of coming up with new movies?

Just recently we had the Jackie Chan/Will Smith's kid remake of The Karate Kid. Really? Jackie Chan cast as Mr Miyagi? WTF....

Just as iconic...Footloose...as if anyone could ever replace Kevin Bacon!

Not to even talk about Fame, one of the iconic classics that just didn't translate all that well into the 00s.

It's all good, wanting to cash in on the feelings generated by a totally feel good movie but really? Why spoil a good thing?

The beginning of Apartheid?

2011-11-22T16:26:00.002+02:00

Today the struggle movement fell flat on it's face. In it's wisdom (some might say vanity and others might call it plain windgatness) the ANC has voted for the Protection of State Information Bill, the vote was 229 in favour, 107 against with two votes abstaining. While it still has to go to the National Council of Provinces, in all likelihood this will be a formality only until it replaces Apartheid era legislation.

Way back when, when this country was controlled by white supremecists hellbent on eradicating black people off the face of their pristine white country, the freedom of the press was greatly curtailed. Then that freedom was fought for and won. Today it was lost again, lost or stomped on by the very people who fought for the right to vote, the right to live as everyone else has. The right to live as a human being and not an animal.

Alongside those same people who fought against Apartheid, the media of the day stood up and showed the world what was going on here. Showed the world images like the Sharepville Massacre, Hector Pietersen's body after he was shot by security police during the Soweto Uprising. Hector was 12 when he died. Without the press and press photographers taking these photos, the world would never have known of the brutal regime that was running this country, killing off it's own citizens.

Under the Apartheid government, the press was treated abominably. After the end of Apartheid, for the year 2010, we are ranked 38th out of 178 countries on the Press Freedom list by Reporters without Borders. After today's vote, I wonder what ranking we will obtain for this year?

Effectively, what this means is that government is protected and isolated from giving an accounting of practices like corruption and scandal. Media corporations will no longer be able to print stories (true stories mind you, not made up Heat Magazine rubbish) even if they have the information to do so.

Which effectively means, South Africa, that our country now stands on the brink of a media blackout blanket that not even the Apartheid era had us all covered in.

How then will the truth ever prevail? How then do we hold our country's leaders accountable for their gross misconduct, their corrpuption? How?

I thought I was over it

2011-10-12T14:40:00.002+02:00

The hijacking that is. It's been 18 months and you'd think I wouldn't be having issues. But I am. I went to the local mall yesterday morning, just an average grocery run, nothing special. I parked, went in and paid for everything I wanted. When I came out to the car, I hesitated. Right next to my car was a ute with 3 young black men sitting in the open back. It took me probably all of 5 minutes to unload the cart and get into the car, all while my heart was beating up in my throat. I kept expecting them to jump out and do something, anything. Instead, they sat there talking quietly to each other while I had a mini breakdown. I felt ill when I got home.

The Tooth Mouse is revealed

2011-10-07T07:55:00.003+02:00

C is very clever. I should have known sooner rather than later that one day she'd find out that Himself and I are the Tooth Mouse.

This morning started out pretty much like any other. She got out of bed, came to greet me and made herself some cereal. Then she asked if she could watch a bit of tv. I told her that while it was still too early (it was 7am) if she did her chores for the morning then she could. I made up a list for her and didn't think anything of it. Until that is, she came to me and asked me to write one specific word, a word that completely and utterly unmasked my alter ego.

See, sometime last year during a particularly viscious thunder and rain storm, one of her teeth came out. She put it in her shoe with a piece of cheese and went to sleep. At 5am the next morning, Himself and I woke as usual and realised that we'd forgotten to take the tooth and cheese the night before. As neither one of us had any loose change, I wrote her a note saying that due to the amount of rain, the Tooth Mouse had been unable to collect her tooth and signed it from The Tooth Mouse. She was very upset that her tooth was still in her shoe when she woke and that afternoon after school when I gave her the note she felt a bit better. That night, as soon as she was deeply enough asleep, Himself and I took the tooth and cheese and left her a bit more than we usually do. She was happy and we forgot all about it.

Until today. After I wrote the word she requested, she hauled out that note that the Tooth Mouse had left her and accused me in no uncertain terms of being the Tooth Mouse because the word on the note and the word I had written looked exactly alike. I burst out laughing. I couldn't help myself. I should have denied it all but she caught me totally unawares.

And clever little girl that she is, she said, no demanded, that the next time a tooth comes loose, we will be paying her. The Tooth Mouse might not exist but the money sure does.

Boy George can be an inspiration

2011-09-27T10:10:00.004+02:00

Someone asked me a few days ago if I have ever considered writing about our past. I haven't. I don't think I have the eloquence and writing skills to do our country's past justice.

The best I can do is to be a witness to what has passed, what we are living in and what is to come. To raise J&C with the expectation that no matter what a person looks like on the outside, it is the inside that matters. Prejudice belongs in the trashcan with all the other rubbish out there.

The past week and this week there has been much discussion about being gay. The school play is running right now and as with any boy, wearing makeup is not something they would ever do willingly. Lipstick and blush is for girls not boys. Of course this hasn't meant that there hasn't been any teasing. Teasing and 10 year old boys go hand in hand, especially when makeup is involved. J came home last week a bit upset because some of the other boys called him a girl, sissy and said he was gay for not being bothered with wearing makeup. Until I showed him pictures of men wearing makeup. Who knew Boy George would be inspirational in that department? We spoke at length about why any man would want to wear makeup, have their nails done, get their hairy backs waxed...generally manscape. He understands it a bit better now, that just because you do all those girly things doesn't make you an aberration to be feared and generally made fun of. It doesn't mean that you are gay, it doesn't mean that you are. All it means is that you are a human being. Inside and out. And that being gay is perfectly ok with me. It's the love you have inside to give someone else that matters.

Conan : a review (aka Mommy's Cartoons)

2011-09-01T11:32:00.003+02:00

So I gave in to my carnal desire and went to see Conan 3D this morning. I first saw the Arnold movie way back in the 80s. Meh. This one......OH ALL THAT IS HOLY! DROOL. Jason Momoa looks good in leather. Very good. So extremely fine. le sigh.

Oh you want to know about the movie? Well let's see....crap. I don't remember much after he came on screen. I mean really? You want me to remember a plot line and a story after seeing all of this? :

Way way WAY much better than the original. The story differs significantly from the 80s version and IMNSVHO is much better. Ok so seriously, the acting will never win any Oscars but who cares? For 2 hours this morning I enjoyed myself. Very much.

/did I mention I was alone in the cinema? :D

Gym agony and ecstacy

2011-08-31T08:41:00.004+02:00

I went to Curves today for the first time in 6 months. Yes, I know. I've wasted almost R1000 the last 6 months. I've been a lazy sod, not going to deny that. It felt good. First, because while I am going to probably be a bit sore and stiff later today my body feels good. Second, when they weighed me in February I weighed 89kg. This morning I weigh 84. That's not bad considering I've stuffed my face countless times with really bad food, I've not been eating as well as I should and it's been so cold this winter I've guzzled my way through a swimming pool of tea.

Scout's honour and all that, I will be back there on Friday. And Monday, and Wednesday and Friday...you get the picture.

Snow paralyses South Africa

2011-07-29T16:07:00.002+02:00

Yup. We've been snowed in in some parts. That's how cold this bloody winter has been. Roads between Durban (busiest port) and Joburg (filthy dirty busy freaking city) have been hit by so much snow that motorists were stuck on the road and had to be dug out.

http://lifeissavage.com/snow-in-south-africa-makes-prime-time-news-in-canada-they-laugh-video/

I'm a geek girl

2011-04-18T17:43:00.000+02:00

and proud of it. Loud and proud. By geek girl I mean that I go for the traditional boy fantasy stories, those dark and epic sword and dragon tales written mainly by men for the geek in all of us.

I blame it all on an overactive imagination and the librarian at the local library who let me read Tolkien when I was 8 or 9. I've been reading fantasy with a bit of sci-fi thrown in for light relief for 32 years now. It started with Tolkien's Lord of the Rings and most recently Terry Pratchett, Chrisopher Paolini. And recently, George RR Martin.

I purchased the first two novels in Martin's Song of Fire and Ice series about 2 months ago. I must state here right now that I have not read them yet (it's a problem when you have such a vast choice of reading material when you purchase a Kindle!). I don't know when I will get round to reading them but I have been following the ongoing saga of Game of Thrones, an HBO series which started this week in the US and based on his books.

I have heard via the grapevine that there is a lot of graphic violence and sex. I don't mind graphic violence and sex in fantasy books. I prefer it to the schlock sometimes held up in highest regard where there are airy fairy storylines of the St George and his Dragon type, where the good boy soldier slays a dragon to protect his fair maiden. WTF is up with that particular storyline? Medieval times right here on planet earth was never all of that! It was a violent time, where people died in the most inventive and violent fashion. Rape and pillage was the order of the day.

While reading some book blogs, I came across the link for this woman's review of the show. I read it twice and then flung the mouse from me in disgust. Geek girls who like epic sweeping violently graphic high fantasy apparently are few and far between. She must think we all grew up playing house with our Ken and Barbie doll collections. (Hurk. I would never be caught dead owning a Barbie!)

To quote from her review : The true perversion, though, is the sense you get that all of this illicitness has been tossed in as a little something for the ladies, out of a justifiable fear, perhaps, that no woman alive would watch otherwise. While I do not doubt that there are women in the world who read books like Mr. Martin’s, I can honestly say that I have never met a single woman who has stood up in indignation at her book club and refused to read the latest from Lorrie Moore unless everyone agreed to “The Hobbit” first. “Game of Thrones” is boy fiction patronizingly turned out to reach the population’s other half.

Wow. How insulting, to just dismiss the fact that there are many more women out there who are just like me. Who adore high fantasy ala Dungeons & Dragons. Who prefer "boy fiction". I think someone has been spending too much time in lala land herself, where shows like Sex and the City reigns supreme. I will be waiting with breath held to see when DSTV decides it is a worthy show. We have True Blood already so I am sure this one will soon be bought for my viewing pleasure. I look forward to the day that my "boy fiction" will finally make it to the little screen.

Desks and mundane Sunday stuff

2011-04-17T17:12:00.000+02:00

Just as it was nearing lunchtime our neighbourhood lost power. Once again Tshwane Metro Municipality astounds me with their utter lack of care when it comes to letting their ratepayers know that there is going to be a substantial break in services. J&C had fun though, and pizza for lunch.

Himself and I finally got round to putting their desks and chairs together so that they have a proper place to study and do homework. They've spent much of the afternoon sitting at their new desks.

Weather is awfully cold. Just your typical lazy Sunday today minus electricity. It came back on just after 3pm.

Music Saterday

2011-04-16T15:50:00.000+02:00

Taking the mommy wars too far?

2011-04-08T08:09:00.000+02:00

Over in SA's 10th province (otherwise known as Australia ;) ), there's a war brewing between moms and their government representative, Pru Goward (Aussie NSW's Family Minister). She found it necessary to attack a mom for bad parenting based on a photograph published in a newspaper of the woman walking across a road at a crossing holding her 3 month old baby and feeding her...with a bottle (if it had been a bared breast I would hate to imagine the further outcry there would have been).

The Family Minister accused this woman of endangering her baby by feeding her on the go, comparing her to Michael Jackson's famous lets-hang-the-baby-off-the-balcony incident back in 2002 in Berlin. She further stated (and I think this was even more of an insult) that she didn't think there was any woman or mother, even a hardened feminist, anywhere in the country, who would condone this woman's action. How wrong she is. Media personalities and others have come out against the Minister for her insensitive words.

The mother in question is a media personality who hosts her own radio show. To add insult to injury, Ms Goward also feels that the mother should never have returned to work 2 months after her baby's birth...working from home in a studio built specially for her.

Really? How antiquated a pov Ms Goward has.

I don't know about you, but life as a new mother with a brand new life is scary, fraught with indecision at every little thing you do. If Ms Goward had been a fly on the wall the first few months of J's life, she'd have locked me up for child endangerment and child abuse almost every single day.

His first night home from the hospital 4 days after his birth I managed to burn his entire mouth with the sterilising fluid I used to clean the breast shields I was using to breastfeed him. (No one had explained to me that I should dilute the liquid with water before cleaning them and I was too damn tired to read the instructions on the bottle.) Poor kid screamed until he couldn't anymore. Then he screamed some more. For an hour. I felt like an utter failure from the get go.

I breastfed him too many times to count in public toilets because the places I was at didn't have a baby room and I wasn't confident enough to breastfeed in public.

I changed his nappy countless times on the floor with just a baby blanket under him because the places we were at once again didn't feel the need to cater to their clientele who had babies.

He was born in February, the hottest time of the year. Countless times I let him sleep in just a nappy because it was so hot. I even took him out with just a nappy and tshirt sometimes if I needed to make a run to the shop for bread or milk in those first few months.

Oh the horror of it all! I should be locked up forever for endangering my child so.

Instead of berating a new parent how about we take a new tack on it? How about we support instead of rip the supoort out from under someone's feet? How about we give moms the chance to stay at home long enough without fear of losing their jobs? How about we work with moms instead of declaring war? How about we just leave other people alone long enough to get comfortable in their new roles instead of bashing them at every turn? How about we keep our opinions to ourselves instead of blundering in where we are clearly not needed...or wanted?

Hoarding stuff

2011-04-07T11:26:00.000+02:00

I am a hoarder. There I finally said it. I cannot bear to throw anything away. I have boxes and boxes and BOXES of crap everywhere. I think it is time I start clearing out some of this stuff and getting rid of it. I need to declutter my life and my house. I'd show you all pictures of the hoarde of crap I have but I am too embarrassed.

Storms and routers

2011-04-03T09:56:00.000+02:00

How to blow your router - leave the phone line plugged in during a thunder and lightning storm of epic proportions. That is what I did last week. You'd think I know better, but no, I unplugged the power and left the phone line in. Ok so it was 3am in the morning and I was in a zombie like comatose state when I unplugged the damn thing. Still, I'd have thought Himself would have unplugged it the night before, being an IT specialist and all.

Braces

2011-03-18T07:59:00.000+02:00

C got her braces 3 weeks ago. At first they hurt but now they are fine. She brushes her teeth in her bottom jaw every morning and just before bedtime. I brush, clean, and brush again the teeth in her upper jaw. She chose purple and pink bands. I think she is impressed with her braces. Everyone in her class loves that she has them. She's the only girl in her class that has braces (twin boys have but boys don't count apparently) and every time she opens her mouth the other girls squeal and make a comment about the braces. C is also a drama queen deluxe so this centre of attention thing she has going is right up her alley.

J hasn't teased her at all, his bff S tried but J told him to stop. Big brother went balastic on his friend. Poor kid. He won't be teasing anyone again in a hurry.

Along with the braces, she has had to embrace a whole new way of eating :

No gassy drinks (not that we live off the stuff, she only ever drinks coke zero at the Spur a few times a year and at parties she gets invited to, which is also a few times a year).
No sweets (not even marshmallows).
No sugary treats or biscuits (gone are the rusks she likes to dunk in her morning tea sometimes and the melted marshmallows inbetween marie biscuits).
No nuts of any kind.
No droe wors.
No biltong.
No mielies.
No popcorn.
No chips.
No chewing meat off bones (my little carnivore really struggles with this one).

Everything must be cut up into bite size portions. She can't bite anything with her front teeth for the next 9 months.

Her school lunches went from sandwiches with ham, or peanut butter or wraps with chunks of chicken strips to sandwiches with marmite and cheese or a thin spread of smooth peanut butter cut into tiny pieces, fruit cut up into small pieces, cooked carrots diced or grated fresh, sweetcorn mixed with bits of ham. She meticulously checks the lables on all food products to see if it contains any sugar. If it does, she doesn't eat it. Yesterday I treated J and his friend S to cheese rolls with strawberry jam, a coke in a glass bottle (gotta love the old fashioned bottles) and a 7Up. C had a slice of brown bread cut into 11tybillion pieces with some butter and a thin layer of strawberry jam and a bottle of water.

Breakfast is ok now. She loves Special K but hates it warm so we switched to oatmeal with vanilla, green food colouring and a bit of butter with milk. Dinners have become times to really experiment with food. Last night I made mini meatball curry with sweet potatoes and carrots. She ate more vegetables than meat, even though the meatballs were small enough to cut in half and put in her mouth. She's eating more healthy now than she ever did before (tomatoes are still a huge no no though but we are working on that one).

She is living for the day 6 months from now when the orthodontist takes those braces off. She's started a list of all the things she is going to eat on that day.

Imaginary friends

2011-03-11T07:58:00.000+02:00

J has a classmate who has a girlfriend. An imaginary girlfriend. He's kissed her, they've broken up, he likes her. He misses her. J thinks it's weird that his classmate has an imaginary friend. And that she's a girl. See, girls are horrible creatures. They are not worthy of a boy's time. They exist solely to plague boys (of course it doesn't help that his nemesis is a girl, and that she teases him all the time). (Secretly I am so frigging stoked he still thinks this way about girls! But I digress.) What has J so freaked about this imaginary friend is that his classmate talks about her all.the.time. Like, get into trouble talk which gets you sent to the Headmaster's office. Yes, he spoke so much about this imaginary girlfriend yesterday that he ended up disrupting the class and was sent off to have a chat with the Headmaster. Poor kid.

In my day, imaginary friends were friends who always got the blame for putting socks on the cat's paws, or eating the last of the jelly and custard, or who wrote on the wall, or who busted your bike because they told you to try and stand on the seat while going at warp speed down a gravel road. Downhill. With no brakes.

I'm in love with a serial killer

2011-02-24T19:33:00.000+02:00

Yes, I love me some Dexter Morgan. His Dark Passenger is a delightful character. Michael Hall is just divine as the devlish serial killer with a (moral) code. Of course I first met Dexter on tv in the series. Now I am getting to know him in the books. Even better.

Survival guide : Stolen vehicles

2011-02-11T12:10:00.000+02:00

After spending a couple of hours twiddling our thumbs at the Centurion Police satelite station vehicle clearance centre at the testing centre, my little car is no longer on the stolen list! After all the phoning around and just about speaking to every single police officer in the area we're done...until it happens again that is.

A few observations for those poor sods who ever get caught up in the Stolen Vehicle Twilight Zone :

1) Expect to stand in loooooong queues.
2) Expect to be treated worse than a criminal if you are white (yes, I know, I should stop being so damn sensitive and give some black people in this country a chance but when you are spoken to and treated as if you're a piece of shit on the bottom of someone's shoe just because of the colour of your skin, then the Rainbow Nation is not so Rainbow anymore now is it?)
3) Expect to be sent from one department to the other with no one knowing what it is you are supposed to do.
4) Make copies of EVERYTHING! Including the police file if you can.
5) Get everyone's name, telephone number and superior's details. It helps.
6) Make multiple copies of your ID book and the car vehicle registration papers.
7) Take a book, bottle of water and something to snack on, it's a long wait.
8) If you have a recording option on your cell phone, USE IT!
9) Be nice, nice is good. It doesn't help you shout and scream obscenities at the people you encounter along the way. Sometimes they really don't know how to help you and shouting at them just makes it worse.
10) Be prepared, keep 11tybillion pens and pencils in your handbag or car.

Above all, be vigilant, try not to be a victim of a crime. Sucks but that is the reality.

A good deed punished

2011-02-01T14:44:00.000+02:00

Today I thought I would be a better person than I normally am and offer to help someone with no regard to myself.

After dropping J&C off at school and on the way home, I drove past a man on a motorbike who had stopped alongside the road and was trying to adjust what I thought was a bag in front of him. It wasn't. It was a child of about a year old. He very obviously could not control the motorbike and the child so had stopped. I stopped and rolled my window down, offering to help. He was incensed that I would even imply he shouldn't be driving so dangerously with a very young toddler inbetween his legs on an uncontrolable vehicle. I drove away in disgust.

I feel sorry for children whose parents think so little of their lives.

CTFM Southdowns - a review

2011-01-31T09:49:00.000+02:00

Last Friday Himself decided to treat the family so we went to Cape Town Fish Market in Southdowns mall. We'd been there with friends before and thought J&C would enjoy seeing a sushi bar and eating off it. J is into sushi big time right now and he and I treat ourselves to a few pieces every other month. C....not so much a fan.

We sat down at the table first, just to make sure the kids really wanted to try the sushi. Then we sat at the sushi bar. Between J, Himself and I, we had 7 different dishes. C tried one but ended up eating the rice and not the fish.

The first time we were there, we'd found the service really slow. Not any different this time either and the place was only half full. I don't know what it is about a restaurant that is about half full. Every time we eat out somewhere and it is half full, the service slows down. It's weird.

J had calamari and chips, C had steak (yes my carnivore struck again ;) ) with chips. Himself tried the Sizzler, a seafood mix with prawns, calamari strips, mussels and bits of fish in a peri peri sauce. I had a combo of fish of the day and calamari strips. We ordered a seafood noodle dish for all to share.

The prawns in the Sizzler....6 heads without bodies and 3 tiny prawns, no sign of bits of fish. My fish of the day was the tail end and so overcooked I couldn't even taste what species of fish it was. The calamari was great though. Kids enjoyed their meal.

When the manager came round asking how the meal was, Himself showed him the last of the heads he'd just removed from the sauce and wanted to know if that was what it was supposed to look like. He said no and immediately arranged for our waitress to get him 6 more prawns.

For R600 which included 4 soft drinks and two beers, it wasn't a great meal. The sushi was really good, J outdid even my expectations of how much he enjoys it.

Rating : 4/5 (originally 3/5 but an extra point for the manager organising more prawns)
Service : Not great. Expect long delays between courses

Indie Authors

2011-01-29T16:46:00.000+02:00

I was fortunate enough to be given a Kindle last year October and have been having some great fun downloading samples and buying books. I'm a diehard print fan though so won't be giving up my addiction to Exclusive Books just yet!

However, the one thing that has really changed my reading experience has been talking to authors of the books I have been reading. How cool is that! I would never have thought to even contact the author of a book I enjoyed a year ago.

It has also introduced me to a whole world of Indie authors I didn't know existed. One place is The Indie Spot, a website dedicated to bringing readers and authors together where authors are not restricted in advertising their books and readers have access to their favourite authors. It's been a refreshing experience and one that I hope will continue for many many years.

Incompetence at it's best?

2011-01-27T09:35:00.000+02:00

On the 27th of May last year, I posted about being hijacked at gunpoint and it's aftermath.

In December Himself had to renew his vehicle licence and enquired why we hadn't received a notificiation for mine which was due then too. He was told that the database showed it was a stolen vehicle and therefore no renewal notice had been sent out. We couldn't do anything about it then as Himself was flying out the next day to join us in Cape Town on holiday.

Since we've been back, he's been calling the entire countryside trying to find out what we have to do in order to get the vehicle cleared as a recovered vehicle so that we can carry on with our lives and not worry about it.

The day after the hijacking Himself and the detective overseeing the case drove to Waltloo testing station, they did all of this there and then. It was cleared dammit!

Himself now has to take a day's leave, drive out to Waltloo and stand in a queue, show the vehicle to the police and get a receipt. Then he has to stand in another queue, show the person behind the counter the receipt and request a new vehicle licence. Why the fuck didn't the idiot who was on duty on the 28th of May 2010 do all of this there and then? Why?

Fangs

2011-01-25T09:39:00.000+02:00

Metal mouth

2011-01-24T10:33:00.000+02:00

C has to have two milk teeth taken out today. Poor kid. It all started two weeks ago when I took her to see the dentist about a hole in a milk tooth. He cleaned it out, filled it and then sat me down for a talk. Her mouth is too small for all her teeth he said, and as a result some of her teeth on the top have come out behind the others. Way behind. He recommended a few orthodontists. We saw a really good one last week who recommended braces for C's top front teeth for now. The two milk teeth are in the way and have to come out before he puts the braces on in March. She gets to wear the braces for 8 or 9 months.

Back home, J (the little bugger) started joking around about her soon to be put in braces. In a way I am glad he did, his teasing is only the start of what is going to come.

She was very upset about the teasing so we spoke about the coming months, the treatment and what it is going to do for her and why it is so necessary. She understands why it has to be done but is not at all happy about being teased for it.

Still, I pity her. Children can be nasty and cruel for no reason. I'm going to make sure that the Tand Muis (Tooth Fairy) leaves behind a huge pile of loot for the teeth tonight.

American Idols 10

2011-01-23T17:57:00.000+02:00

Tonight sees the return of the American Idol show on DSTV. I think this year I might actually watch. Steven "fuck a duck and see what hatches" Tyler is so far the star of the show! And of course there are the nutjobs who make the show what it is in the audition rounds. Those contestants who dress up and think that their costumes will make up for their serious lack of vocal talent...then stand there in shock when told no, they are not good enough.

I didn't watch much last year because really, 9 seasons already? Have people not had enough?

Apparently not.

Ah 2011, how good you are!

2011-01-15T13:48:00.000+02:00

Belated Happy New Year to all my adoring fans! :)

I hope that 2011 has started out on a great note and if not, that it soon picks up on a more positive note.

After a month long holiday, J&C have started grades 4 and 3 respectively, Himself is back at the grindstone, and I get to enjoy my Kindle!

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-24T23:02:00.000+02:00

Another hour and it will officially be the 25th of December. Santa has dropped off all the loot for those who made the Nice List this year, kids are fast asleep in anticipation. Gammon is nearly done, leg of lamb is almost falling off the bone tender, two trifles are maturing in the fridge...all that remains is for J&C to wake us up at some gawdawful time tomorrow morning declaring it present time, oh and TGU needs to hurry up and have a safe quick drive from home to Hermanus.

Have a great Christmas this year, hope you are all with your loved ones eagerly anticipating a celebration of life, love, food, happiness and family.

The sun isn't free anymore!

2010-11-29T14:27:00.000+02:00

I thought I'd heard it all until I came across this little snippet.

She claims to be the owner of the sun, she wants to charge everyone on the planet for using her product.

I wonder how long it will be until someone sues her for the damage her product is causing to the human race as far as cancer is concerned.

Mortality

2010-11-26T10:12:00.000+02:00

I volunteered to caption photos on the eGGSA database gravestone website, a huge tool for genealogists. My first cemetery is the memorial wall in Hermanus.

If you have ever been in Hermanus, you'd know that the community itself is largely made up of old people. Grandparents. With the younger family members usually joining their parents and grandparents during school holidays and over weekends. (Disclaimer : As the older people die or move to a retirement village, younger people are buying up the properties so the community age is slowly changing, and of course developers are buying up parcels of land all over the area and building multi level blocks of apartments.)

A few things I have noticed :

1 - When you are married for a very long time (45 years and more) and you die, your partner usually follows within 2 to 3 months.

2 - Sometimes age doesn't matter, especially if you are a woman and born in the first 15 years of the 1900s. You can be older than your husband.

3 - Our grandparents' generation has probably lived longer than we will. Even with a low life expectancy in the first few years of the 1900s.

4 - People my age are starting to die.

I've never really thought about the type of funeral I want or the epitaph, if I want one. I would not like to be buried, that I do know. A memorial stone in a garden of rememberance....I don't know if I want that either. For now, I've put it in my will that my ashes be scattered, that is if J&C or Himself end up honouring my wishes. Basically I don't want my body to rot in a grave.

I still like the idea of a Viking funeral though, no fuss, no mess, just a blaze of flames and it's done.

Time to let go?

2010-11-23T10:51:00.000+02:00

In January of 2002, when J was 11 months old, Himself and I flew to London and then on to Australia with J.

This was just after 9/11, things were crazy mad at airports. You couldn't take anything with you on the plane. When it came to food for J, it was a nightmare to comply. While in London, we spent a morning walking around the Tower of London complex and had lunch in their caffeteria. I bought a couple of jars of baby food, firstly because it was organic and secondly because I think by then J was a bit tired of the oatmeal I'd packed in.

When we finally came back home a month later, I found a jar of food in the nappy bag so put it away fully intending to feed it to him at some point.

Today, 9 years later almost, I finally tossed it. I think it was time, don't you? :D

Knight and Day

2010-11-21T12:20:00.000+02:00

Don't waste your money.

I think it is time Tom Cruise hangs up his (un)skillful acting hat and becomes a permanent spokesperson for Scientology. He'd do better selling their cheesy imitation religion than he does selling himself as a secret agent.

I kept expecting the cast from Debbie Does Dallas to jump out kaalgat and do their thing because the soundtrack sounded so damn cheesy. I would have fallen asleep watching it but the toilet break and shower I had in the first half revived me too much. And Himself would have been offended that, yet again, I did not enjoy a movie he chose.

I've won the blueberry battle!

2010-11-18T08:12:00.000+02:00

I posted a long while back about how J is a vegetarian and how C is a carnivore. For the longest time I have found myself back at the dinner table struggle with C. J is quite content to eat mostly vegetables (he's slowly abandoning the idea that meat is all bad but still loves a plate piled high with just veg) and enjoys all kinds of fruits. C however, fights me tooth and nail to eat healthy and more diverse. She'd live on a diet of meat, meat, meat, sweet carrots, meat, cheese and bananas, strawberries with ice cream and peanut butter. Every once in a while I buy blueberries, hoping to tempt her into at least trying one berry. But no, she pulls away in disgust every single time.

So you can imagine the horror on her face yesterday when I showed her what I'd bought besides all the meat. A punnet of fresh blueberries. No biggie I told her, she didn't have to eat it. J and I would.

This morning while making their school lunches, I cut up some fresh strawberries with pieces of pineapple for her and added a handful of blueberries to J's. She stood watching me eat a handful myself and when I held one out to her, she ate it. Absolute disgust all over her face. Then I held out two more. She took those and ate them too, same look of horror and disgust combined. Then a few more, still with the disgust. When I started to close the punnet, she came round the counter and very politely asked if I would put a few in for her too. I nearly passed out.

The little container has about 30 blueberries in it....I wonder how many will be eaten and how many will find their way back home. Actually I don't care if any make it back home, just the fact that she ate a few this morning and asked for more must surely mean I'm slowly getting through to her?

The Gatsby

2010-11-12T09:35:00.000+02:00

I was cruising on my favourite mommy website when a thread about food porn from your particular neck of the woods came up. One of the items I shared was the Gatsby. Now if you've ever lived in or near Cape Town you will instantly know what I am talking about....that rather intimidatingly large roll filled with everything under the sun including slap chips, dripping sauce everywhere. Usually shared between a few office mates for lunch over a bottle of coke.

While searching for pictures to post on the thread to show what a Gatsby is, I came across this lesson in how to eat a Gatsby from funnymail.co.za. It is spot on from what I remember.

1. Keep the time between purchase and consumption of the Gatsby as short as possible. Cold chips are no one’s friend.

2. Cut the Gatsby into a maximum of four pieces. Anything smaller is a gross injustice to the Gatsby because there’s no way you’ll be filled by a fifth or less.

3. Any chip falling from any given piece of the Gatsby is considered fair game. The ruling on this is final.

4. When separating the Gatsby, note the point of division: practice absolute precision here to avoid taking the bottom roll of the next person’s piece. Ask for assistance if necessary.

5. You must finish your share. Besides it being a terrible waste, you’ll be scorned by the Gatsby Fraternity for all time for being vesin.

6. Grip is critical. Cup your piece in your hand so that loose bits have nowhere to fall except back into your hands. Avoid the scenario described in Point 3.

7. NEVER leave the Gatsby unattended.

8. It’s best to accompany the Gatsby with a beverage, ie Jive, Frulati or Cabana. Hearty burping guarantees relief.

9. Observe relative silence when consuming the Gatsby. No one likes to talk and eat at the same time. See Point 1 regarding cold chips.

10. Always wash hands with soap and water at the conclusion to avoid getting a spicy finger in the eye, a condition commonly known as Gatsby Eye. The only cure is self-induced crying. No one wants to see that, so just make the trip and wash your damn hands.

11. The bra (person) that contributes the least towards the gatsby gets the smallest piece.

12. The Gatsby is not supposed to be eaten out of a plate, so make sure you ask the BB.Sc (Bra Behind Shop Counter) to doublewrap the Gatsby to ensure enough paper for everyone.

13. Avoid eye contact with anyone not eating the Gatsby for fear of them asking for a “stukkie” (piece) or shouting “kap ‘n baat” (give me a piece).

14. When sipping on the Frulati, make sure you only have 2 sips then pass… anyone attempting more than 2 sips forfeit the next round.

15. Nothing on the Gatsby is to be wasted (refer point 5), that includes any salads or sauces still remaining in the paper… lick it up!

16. When the Gatsby is finished, it’s obligatory to finish the ritual with a cigarette, beware though of anyone asking for “‘n skyf” (drag); thus make sure you get some sauce on the filter of the cigarette to avoid having to share your “entjie” (butt).

So, if like me you enjoy a ginormous sandwich with everything on it, and it is your first time, follow these simple rules and you will be fine.

/I wonder if that kaffie in Atlantis still exists...selling his Gatsbys.

Seychelles pics

2010-11-09T09:50:00.000+02:00

I promised you all pics of the Seychelles trip. Here they are.

Part of the resort, Constance Ephelia.

The villa we stayed in, on the ground floor. Each villa has two units.

The pool at the end of the concrete walkway in the above picture.

View from the breakfast area:

The sea is about 100m from the end of the breakfast area and the pathway.

Lunch and lunch buffet. Lucina made a kick arse spaghetti!

The pool flowing throughout the main buildings, bars and restaurant areas

The beach at the resort, note the clean blue and white colours.

One of the days we took a ferry 44kms across from Mahe to Praslin Island, the only natural spot in the world where the coco de mer is grown naturally. The coco de mer is the largest seed in the world and when sailors saw the seed pod floating by in the ocean, dubbed it the coconut from the sea. The leaves of the tree are bigger than a man and until recently was used to roof buildings.

Mahe harbour, on the ferry to Praslin.

Praslin Island

The harbour

The coco de mer. As it resembles a woman's pelvic area, it was considered a fertility symbol by the islanders.

The leaves of the palm.
We had lunch at a small restaurant/gallery in Baie St Anne. Smorgasboard of curries, fresh and grilled vegetables, salads, red snapper.

Our table, about 40m - 50m from the sea.

Anse Lazio, the most famous beach on Praslin where we swam before having lunch.

We took a drive up to the hill where the Presidential Villa of the resort is to take some photos. We kept seeing what I thought were big birds but which our guide said were fruit bats, a local delicacy.

How kids rate restaurants

2010-11-05T18:41:00.000+02:00

Hey there Mister Manager of the local Mimmos. I understand that this afternoon you were extremely busy what with having a large group of about 15 screaming girls sitting outside with about the same number of parents having a birthday party. However, it might be worth your while to take note of the following :

1. When a girl requests a drink, don't forget it.
2. When a girl's pizza has been made and handed in to be baked, don't throw it away, burn it or otherwise get rid of it.
3. When a girl requests new dough and filling for her pizza, don't ignore her request.
4. Treat your staff with a bit more dignity.
5. Don't go outside to have a smoke while you are supposed to be rebaking the remade pizza. Girls notice that sort of thing.

C was invited out to a make your own pizza party at the local Mimmos today. The waiter forgot to bring her Coke Zero three times, the manager "lost" her pizza and then remade it for her (not the point of the party so the remade pizza is now sitting in it's take out box on top of my stove). He also ignored her request for dough to remake her pizza with the toppings she wanted, choosing to suck on a cancer stick instead. Then he proceeded to chase his other waiters around ordering them to hurry up he wants to make money.

I never saw any of this as J and I were enjoying a milkshake at the Wimpy. She rated them 2 stars on their restaurant guide (out of 5 stars). A list that she and J call their "Why we hate restaurants" guide.

Guess where I am?

2010-10-22T09:26:00.000+02:00

Yesterday I got onto a charter flight and flew a couple of hours up north...across a stretch of ocean...over Mauritius....to the Seychelles.

Last night we had dinner at Adam & Eve in the Constance Ephelia resort, this morning we had breakfast in their breakfast area and I have just come back from a half hour of utter relaxing luxury. I had a neck, shoulder and head massage. Jealous? ;) Wait until I post the pics....

I could live here all year round. It is gorgeous, the staff are friendly and helpful...See you all again next week. Sometime. Maybe.....:)

HA! HA! HA!

2010-10-18T15:53:00.000+02:00

So Telkom has this awesome competitive brand new product on the market - the 8ta brand. They had a huge launch party last Thursday night with live music and all sorts of goodies for invited guests. Guests who, due to the stringent new RICA laws, had to send in all sorts of paperwork so that they could get RICA out of the way before the launch.......

Except they didn't. Now they have cool new phones with some call time but no way to use it yet until they get RICAed, again.

WTG Telkom!

October 15

2010-10-15T12:16:00.000+02:00

It's International Infant and Pregnancy Loss day today.

This year, a Wave of Light ceremony is planned across the globe. All you have to do is light a candle at 7pm in whatever time zone you find yourself, and leave it lit for an hour.

This is to commemorate and remember all those parents, mothers, grandparents, sisters, aunts, children who have lost a baby or a pregnancy for a multitude of reasons. And to remember those babies that have died.

My thoughts today are with each and every person who has gone through the pain of losing a pregnancy, losing a baby, losing that dream of a life with a brand new human being. The pain of losing a child stays with you forever, hidden away in your heart, the raw wound getting smaller with each passing year. Until one day you remember without the pain. Light a candle tonight at 7pm and remember.

In my heart, always, Sam.

Most useless gadget?

2010-10-14T10:12:00.000+02:00

While puttering around on Facebook this morning I saw an add for this product. Now normally I ignore the crap on the right hand side of my screen on Facebook but the description just intrigued me. It's a sticker you stick onto your chest, between your boobs and your chin, just before going to bed at night. Tomorrow morning you wake up and voila! No more chest wrinkled.

Dude, like, isn't this one of the most useless gadgets out?

It's a dog's life....

2010-10-12T09:23:00.000+02:00

Vampires

2010-10-10T07:22:00.000+02:00

I will preface this post by saying that apart from watching the first Twilight movie, I have not read any of the books nor seen any of the other movies.

However.....

According to popular culture, Real Vampires

* have fangs
* are whiter than OMO can wash your whites
* fuck like there's no tomorrow (sex and blood go together like bread and butter)
* are practically immortal
* have an aversion to wooden stakes
* burn when touched by sunlight like a KKK wooden cross doused in petrol at night
* have no conscience
* are dead
* therefore cannot breed

According to Stephanie Meyer, Twilight Vampires

* have really strong teeth
* sparkle like diamonds (redifine bling) when sunlight hits their skin
* are all breathy and sigh like a Victorian virgin on her wedding night
* make boring love
* live at home with mom and dad
* play extreme sports at night
* breed

I don't know about you all but I prefer my vampires in the midst of a blood and sex lust with a killer techno soundtrack ala Kate Beckinsale in Underworld.

Difficult discussions

2010-10-06T09:37:00.000+02:00

Some mornings J&C like to tackle difficult topics of conversation. This morning, C told me about her little friend whose parents are divorced. Her father hasn't seen her basically since her birth and has no interest in her life or her sister's life. Her mom is a single, unsupported but for friends, mother who works difficult shifts and odd hours. It boggles my mind that a man could have a child but choose to ignore that child so completely.

This in turn led to an answer-question session. Are you and dad getting divorced? What will happen if you do move out of the house? Who will we stay with? Why do you argue? Are you happy? Do you love each other?

As always, I tried answering these tough life questions in a manner that was truthful and didn't sugarcoat problems in the adult world. They mostly understood what I said and how I answered, I hope. Can't wait for the next topic they decide to talk about!

I've been thinking about that little friend all day.

Wax on, wax off

2010-10-05T12:29:00.000+02:00

I had an early morning ~~torture session~~ appointment to have my nether regions waxed again. While this beautification ~~torture~~ was going on and the thrillingly meditative music was playing, all I could think of was Mr Miyagi telling Daniel-san "Wax on, wax off."

[disclaimer : not the fake wanna-be redo of the classic original starring Will Smith's kid but the one starring Ralph Macchio]

Questions parents dread being asked

2010-10-01T08:47:00.000+02:00

C had a playdate yesterday so it was just J and I. I took him with to PnP for some retail therapy. On the way there, he asked how old you have to be to become a grandmother.

Now the two Oumas are both over 60. Himself and I were far too lazy to do the whole get-married-out-of-high-school-and-start-popping-babies-out-right-away thing. We started dating in 1988, got married in 1997 and had J in 2001. A whole 13 years after first meeting. Naturally the Oumas were concerned that 1) my eggs were dying faster than they could ever be impregnated, 2) they would never ever ever get to hold grandchildren and 3) we'd be ancient if and when we ever did procreate. I think at one point the Oumas were so desperate they were willing to forego the usual white wedding just to hold a baby.

Nevertheless, we went on to produce 1 more before calling it quits and closing up the factory.

So, how do you answer that? I thought for a long minute then said that there is no right age to become a grandmother. J persisted. I dodged. Then he changed tactics and asked how old he should be when he has a child. Remember now, this is a 9yo kid who hasn't even noticed there are such creatures as girls. And that those same girls are even remotely interesting in any way other than to play rugby with.

I started by saying that you become a father when you meet someone you love enough to want to ~~live with~~ marry and then a while later you both decide to have a child (silently still debating live with vs marry). He thought for a minute (by this time I was pulling into a parking spot) then asked how you have children. Okay. Where's Himself when I really need him?? Isn't it the father's job to have The Talk with their sons??

He asked again. Loudly. The waiter outside Wimpy turned to look in my direction. I walked past. No way was I stopping there for a quick milkshake and a frank discussion about sex with my 9yo son!

After a few minues J asked again. I really tried to dodge the question this time but nope. He wanted to know. So I asked if he knew what sex was.

Yes, he says, that's when a male and female mate with each other.

Oookay. (Been watching a few too many Animal Planet shows.)

So then the mommy carries the baby in her stomach.

Right. Yes.

So how old do you have to be to put the baby in the mommy's stomach?

Um. ~~Never~~ Oh 25?

That's old.

Yes my boy, that's real old.

How old was dad?

33.

Wow, that's like really old.

Yes my boy, that's really old.

So do I have to be that age too?

No my boy, you can be a dad at any age you feel ready.

Oh. Okay. Can I have some chips please?

When you are a 40 year old woman

2010-09-30T13:05:00.000+02:00

they see you coming. They see you coming from faaaaar away.

Had my annual pap smear today (she's using a brand new plastic speculum thingy and a "new technology" swab thingy). When she realised I was almost 41, she smirked....then said "There's your referral for your annual mammogram. Once a year from now on please, once you turn 40 you have to go every year. It's preventative you see."

How to hug a baby

2010-09-29T07:28:00.000+02:00

Step one - find a baby.

Step two - sniff object's butt to verify it is indeed a baby.

Step three - flatten the baby before beginning the hugging process.

Step four - slide paws around baby and prepare for closeup.

Step five - once human arrives with camera, execute the patented hug, smile, lean move to achieve maximum photo quality.

Rhino and Lion park

2010-09-28T09:19:00.000+02:00

We took J&C to the Rhino and Lion Park situated in the Cradle of Humankind on Saturday morning. We'd heard the lions were rather large and wanted to see them up close. While I fully support what the lion park is doing by breeding rare white lions and wild dogs in captivity (and hopefully releasing them into the wild), the experience felt canned. You know, like the canned lion hunting we read about in the news (if you are sensitive to unnecessary brutality, don't watch the canned lion hunt video clip).

The Wonder Cave

You walk down 87 steps, climb into a rickety lift which takes you 60m underground.

The lift coming down from the entrance.

Praying Mary

The Mushroom which is approximately 2.5 billion years old

Big Cats :

At the entrance to the animal creche is a closed off touchy feely enclosed area where for R30 (about $5) you get to spend 5 minutes playing with a cub. The one on the ground being petted is about 8 months old. One of the main reasons we took J&C was to let C pet a lion cub. She's been talking about doing it since last September when we were at Zebula. This little one though was far too active for me to feel comfortable letting her go in. Hell I didn't even want to go in when the keepers all rushed up to pull him off a woman's foot.

Odi the leopard

One of the animal trainers told us that he gets miffed because he gets few visitors. His enclosure is way across the other side of the animal enclosures. She told us to call to him and he might be bored enough to come to the fence. After a few minutes spent calling to no avail, an ex employee (and Odi's trainer once) stopped by for a visit. Odi immediately sprang up and stalked / ran to the fence when he heard his name being called. Then he stalked the man up and down the length of the enclosure. At one point he rubbed his head up against the gate and then got pissed because the man wasn't really touching him. When he growled, something in the primal part of my brain said oh shit!

A half grown cub

At 1pm on Wednesdays, Saturdays and public holidays the lions are fed. We checked out the feeding area before going to the caves...the cow carcass from earlier in the week.

One of the two white lions walked between the vehicles circling the clearing where the pride was eating. Not something you want to come across in the wild, less than 2m from your window out of nowhere.

A cub tried to follow a female through the reeds to the watering hole just behind where all the cars were standing. Check out the blood soaked face.

The tigers

The one time I saw a tiger was at The Farm Inn a few years ago. It was hiding behind some bushes in a large enclosure and we didn't get too close. These 3 were right up against the fence. Huge beautiful monsters (I'm reading the Sookie Stackhouse books right now. I could not imagine walking amongst the wereanimals without shitting myself after seeing these 3.)

On the way out, we saw 2 rather large rhinos. This is what poachers kill for.

Why I like Defy

2010-09-27T12:13:00.000+02:00

Most South African households at one time or another have had a Defy home appliance. Their products (the Gemini range) are mid range in price so is affordable without costing your soul (well maybe their combo gas / electric stainless steel contraption might be a devil's price, which I might be willing to contemplate paying, or sell the kids for the money :) ).

Their after service care is exceptional (Defy and their agents). As I should know. Because today, their Repair Dude came out to fix the door on my front loader. The door with the plastic handle that somehow or other I broke. Don't ask how I did it, I still don't know. Like I told Himself, I just opened the door up and something fell out, it wasn't the clothes I had just washed. R560 later my door is fixed and I can continue on my merry way washing clothes. Until it breaks again.

Repair Dude had a look at the oven too. The one whose door can't close properly. Ja he says, all we do is move this out the way, turn the door around and fix it to that side so you can use it again. It just opens from the wrong side. Oh and the knobs on the hob, those they have thousands of in stock, doesn't matter what model your hob is because one size truly does fit all.

Now I just have to wait for a quote to fix the door on the oven.

Work functions

2010-09-24T11:53:00.000+02:00

I enjoy watching people. It's a major hobby whenever I am out and about. So at Himself's work function on Wednesday night, I had ample opportunity to people watch. Until I found someone who is English, lives in Cape Town and was super easy to talk to. They are such rare creatures in Pretoria.

Until that point, I was sort of enjoying myself. I'd had a glass of good wine and the pre dinner snacks were really tasty (By Word of Mouth - awesome caterers!). I had more in common with the wait staff than the work staff but hey, beggers can't be choosers right? Except maybe on occasions like this.

Topics of conversation amongst the women revolved around what's the latest cosmetic surgery going, what the maid at home is doing tonight (looking after my kids doll! And I didn't even have to pay her extra!), to everyday mundane things like how do you cope with the school traffic, most of which really didn't appeal to me. My wine, which had nothing to say, was more interesting.

The highlight of the night, meeting a certain famous rugby player who scored that magnificent drop kick that assured South Africa of the win in that world cup. I remember him for other reasons though. I remember him trotting out on the Newlands fields on many occasions playing for Western Province.

Himself and I staggered home at 1am, not because we'd had loads to drink. Oh no, it was more a case of when you are over 40, you should really be getting to bed at 9pm and not staying out past your bedtime. Thursday was a killer. Friday I am starting to recover.

The trust that some parents have

2010-09-21T12:00:00.000+02:00

I could be a hideous serial killer ala Dexter Morgan. I could be the ringleader of a child smuggling ring. I could be plain weird. Yet parents of a child I have never met think it's ok to leave their child with me or better yet, have me collect their child at daycare and bring her home to play with C. I could never do that, implicitly trust someone with my child that I have never met.

Dressing up

2010-09-17T11:57:00.000+02:00

Anyone who knows me irl knows that I hate clothes shopping. I am not a size zero model with legs up to FSM knows where, that I have no clue about taupe going with neon orange or that the brand new black is actually hot pink.

Rather, I spend my days in tracksuit pants, takkies (sneakers to my American friends), tshirts and various other states of only dress like this if you truly don't give a shit. And normally I don't give a shit.

Until now.

Himself has been invited to a fairly formal work function, one where the tannies who go, dress to kill with enough make up on to keep most parts of Africa covered in base for years to come. And then there's me....minimal make up, hair done at the home "salon", no nails to speak of, someone who only recently discovered the joy that is pubic waxing....a distinct aversion to anything with fashion in it's name. I am the ultimate make over slob for anyone out there who might be considering it. (Email me, we can set up a time :).)

For a few days now I have been panicking. Firstly because my go to wardrobe item (a timeless floor length black skirt) seems to have shrunk on me. Secondly, I've been popping into all the shops hoping against hope that they carry my size (tripple XL) in the newest range just imported from those Chinese sweatshops. I wonder if anyone has ever thought to educate the Chinese in western sizes? I mean really, an adult small wouldn't even fit C and she's 7 years old.

While trawling through the mall this morning I spotted a newish boutique shop. You know the one where all the fat chicks go to oohing and aaahing over the flimsy sexy looking things that look so good on that size below zero model? Where you just know the minute you walk in that they don't have your size and probably never would? That one. I really thought they wouldn't have anything that I could possibly wear. but I was wrong.

I think my black pants and black sorta heely shoes will go really well with this don't you?

Karma's a bitch

2010-09-15T14:52:00.000+02:00

In Feb, I posted about a florist that stuffed up on a delivery to Big C.

Today, I happened to drive by the little centre where she has her shop. It's closed. And for sale. :)

I don't normally get all gleeful and happy when someone's life is probably falling apart but in this instance I think I am very justified.

Ain't Karma a bitch? :)

Becoming a legal person again (according to the government)

2010-09-14T10:57:00.000+02:00

When you have your life stolen and have to replace things like ID documents, you come face to face with the bureaucracy that is the department of Home Affairs.

When we were hijacked, my handbag containing my drivers licence, ID book, bank cards, cellphone and various other things was under the drivers seat. Of course that was cleared out of the car long before the cops found it, all having to be replaced at some point.

The bank cards were easy, the drivers licence is going to be a pain in the arse and the ID book maybe just as bad or so I thought.

Well, guess what? It wasn't. I went in on the 29th of July (ja please don't lecture me about the length of time between the hijacking and actually going in to apply for a new ID document, I'm a lazy sod) and received an sms (Seriously! An sms! Who'd have thunk Home Affairs actually used 21st century technology??) last Thursday to come and collect it. This morning I pulled into the parking spot the car guard indicated, stood in the queue for about 30 minutes and walked out an hour later the proud owner of a brand spanking new ID book (the photo is horrific). (No I am not sharing it here.)

Sickness

2010-09-13T07:44:00.000+02:00

C puked huge amounts in the parking lot at Irene Dairy yesterday. Poor kid. When she came home she looked paler than a red head with see through skin, if you can believe that.

I hosed her down in the shower (there's nothing worse than that sour puke smell especially when they've had milk), made her some really sweet rooibos tea and sat with her for a bit. Then Himself, J and I had lunch. She wasn't up to it, her tummy was sore and she didn't look too pink in the face either. We spent the afternoon laying in bed with me alternating between rubbing her belly softly and reading Matilda to her (with me wishing I could get back to my Sookie Stackhouse books), with her moaning in pain and puking. At 6pm she fell asleep finally. By 6 30pm she was awake again moaning and rolling around.

When the kids are sick, Himself usually lets the healthy one sleep in our bed with him while I sleep in the other bed with the sicko. I should know better. I have not had much sleep. C has this ability unique to children when they sleep. They know exactly which part of the adult human body is most vulnerable to a hand or a leg coming out of nowhere and landing with force.

Of course, she was up at 5 and ready to go to school. I feel like I've been out partying all night and swallowed a bottle of E.

Be happy in the moment

2010-09-09T10:41:00.000+02:00

There's nothing better than being truly happy in the moment. I've been angrier more often than I have been happier over the last few months and this morning I had a major mood shift.

It helps to be baking muffins while listening to weird and wonderful remixes and original songs at full volume and dancing around like a nutter.

I'm not so sure the neighbours would agree but WTF :)

Apparently I am a good mother

2010-09-07T07:52:00.000+02:00

How to rock as a mother :

1 - pay for drama lesson
2 - tell daughter she is getting a drama lesson
3 - let her stay up for an hour longer due to said drama lesson
4 - feed her a burger (with no sign of salad)
5 - let her sleep in the next morning

I rock. C said, so it shall be.

Bonus Monday

2010-09-06T10:56:00.000+02:00

Spider tales

2010-09-06T09:00:00.000+02:00

I lived in Cape Town all my life until we moved to ~~Insanity~~ Pretoria a couple of years ago. Up until that point, a daddy long legs was about the biggest spider I ever had to deal with.

It was the end of September when we moved in and by the first week of October that year I was ready to move back home. Not because of the people, or the culture. No. Because of the spiders. Rain spiders to be specific.

Picture this.....

A quiet morning....water running.....a shower......water stops....a terrified scream and mad footsteps dashing down the passage.....a wet naked body running.....and behind it, this freaking huge mutha spider comes running.......

I swear the thing was going to attack. It jumped from the ceiling and tried to catch me. I swear! Really.

In the 6 years since, I've been lucky enough to see them from a distance while Himself nukes them and then nukes them some more.

I've watched as someone else destroys the nests outside my bedroom window. There is no fraking way that I will ever touch those jumbo webby nests of pure malevalent evil. No way!

Then last night.....the house alarm started screaming because Himself likes to play with the remote in his pocket (I have a don't ask don't tell policy on that). My cellphone was charging next to the microwave and as I went to pick it up to answer the security company, I saw a brown creature sitting on the cupboard door looking at me. It's evil little eyes daring me to touch my phone. Himself, just as shit scared (he screams like a girl when they run over his hand), grabbed the broom and tried to brush it down off the cupboard door. So what does the evil creature do? It jumps onto the counter and crawls down into the cupboard where I keep all my plastic junk.

Himself grabbed the Doom canister and started spraying like a demented creature into the cupboard.

This morning I cautiously opened the door with the broom handle.

A conversation overheard...

2010-09-03T10:27:00.000+02:00

At the gym this week the ladies have been trying to be inventive. Out with the ABBA remixed rubbish and in with Club Anthems remixed cds. Also rubbish.

Between gasping for breath and trying not to flood the place with sweat...

Old Lady : Oh this is something new.

Middle Aged Lady : The music?

Old Lady : Yes. I must say I don't like it.

Middle Aged Lady : Yes, I agree. It's not good music.

Old Lady : In my day, we could actually sing along to the music.

Middle Aged Lady : In my day we listened to U2. (U2 song playing in background with a hard beat to it). We didn't listen to this rubbish. I don't even know what this song is! (so much for being a U2 fan...)

Wax

2010-08-31T11:27:00.000+02:00

At the ripe old age of 40 I have finely found out what it feels like to have your pubic hair removed by hot wax.

ALLTHAT'SFRIGGINHOLY!!!WTF WAS THAT!!!!!!!!!!

Ja, it was sore. Then she did my eyebrows.

I hate eating out

2010-08-29T09:46:00.000+02:00

Or so says a survey of 2000 women in the UK by a slimming pill company.

According to the article :

- 1000 felt guilty

- 500 avoided it altogether

- 1200 worry that they will cave to temptation

- 600 worry they will end up eating much more than they should because the portions are so much larger

- 66 worry about the lack of nutritional info

- 1000 made up for the overconsumption of calories by cutting down the rest of the week

- 1000 won't eat Chinese or Indian because they fear the food has a high fat content

- 1400 don't eat fish and chips because it's unhealthy

I'd have had more respect for the figures if a medical group not involved in research, or out to make a profit, had anything to do with this "poll". A slimming pill company? Wonder how much info the women partaking in the poll received about a miracle cure for obesity?

WTF is up with Woolworths?

2010-08-23T08:40:00.000+02:00

I have been a client of Woolworths since early 1997. In that time I am very sure that there has been a month or five where I have forgotten to pay my account or paid it a few days late. In the 13 years I have had the account, my credit limit has been increased largely due to my payment history. My very good payment history. My current credit limit is scary high, one that I refuse to make use of.

So why then, today at 8.15am, did the credit call centre deem it necessary to call me, reminding me that I forgot to pay last month's installment (oops! R125) and then insisting on a date of payment? I said I forgot, I'd pay it by the end of this month but no, apparently that is not good enough for Woolworths. They insist you tell them the exact date you will be paying, else you are responsible for collection fees on any outstanding amounts. WTF!

This is the first time I can remember ever getting a call from their credit call centre because I have failed to pay my account. Really, am I just taking it way too personally or should they even have called me?

Weird sandwiches

2010-08-22T11:28:00.000+02:00

This morning I was in the mood for a good old fashioned roasted something lunch (organic grain fed chicken baking in the oven as I type this) with cabbage. Normally I steam chunks of cabbage with potatoe quarters and thick sliced carrots but I wanted to do something different. After googling cabbage recipes, I found this one, a smear of peanut butter, a thick chunk of fresh uncooked green cabbage and sliced carrots on brown bread. And here I thought my favourite fish paste with apricot jam on brown bread was weird.

Hardcore Thursday

2010-08-19T11:07:00.000+02:00

Wild animals do roam the streest in Africa!

2010-08-17T09:10:00.000+02:00

I'm often asked the weirdest questions when people from other countries hear I live in South Africa.

Most questions are about the wildlife, the houses we live in and the suburbs. The most common questions are usually about whether the wild animals roam the streets freely, especially lions. Do we live in mud huts? Do we have electricity (this one floors me every time)? And mindbogglingly, can they pet the lions in the streets?

Recently I told a foreigner that we had spent a few days in the Kruger Park. She was over the moon excited and bombarded me with questions about the whole experience.

A few that stood out : If it was possible to get out of your car (after asking if we had cars) and touch the animals like you would in a petting zoo (ja sure you can, just don't expect to come out of the experience with your life intact). Again with the do wild animals walk around in the street we lived in? How do we get around from place to place? (the elephants are in for resoling their feet).

A few days after our email exchange, I sent her the link to a story that made the front page two days running. Panjo, an 18 month old hand reared tiger, had escaped out of the bakkie (ute, utility vehicle, SUV, double cab) of his owner one night and was missing for three days not very far from where we live.

Then on Sunday, a crocodile was caught in a gated and fenced housing estate not far from where we live.

I suppose that now I cannot lie when people ask if the wildlife roam the streets.

A review : My Sister's Keeper

2010-08-16T15:10:00.000+02:00

I read Jodi Picoult's book about 3 years ago, a present from Other C for my birthday that year. While I like reading about controversial subject matter, I find Ms Picoult's books rather tame fodder in how sometimes there isn't a good enough conclusion, she tackles a subject but stops short of going for the kill.

Last night, MNET showed the movie version of the book as it's Sunday night movie.

As Hollywood likes to tear apart a book, the story in the movie differs quite substantially from the book itself which I found rather distracting. The story tackles the controversial subject of designer babies as spare parts for a sick child.

In this case, the child in question has a cancer of the blood. Her younger sister (in the book she is 13 and in the movie she is 11) is designed and born to be a walking body parts replacement for her. Until they want her to donate a kidney. Then she sues her parents to become medically emancipated from them. In the book at the end, she wins her case but dies in a car accident and her lawyer, who has power of attorney, authorises the removal of her organs for her dying sister.

In the movie, her sister is the driving force behind the court case because she wants to die, she is ready to die. The film ends with her dying, the younger sister winning her case and not having to donate a kidney and going on to live out her life.

Another large departure from the book is that the brother, who is a juvenile delinquent who likes to burn things (his father, a fireman, taught him a thing or two), becomes a dyslexic artist.

While the movie showed the emotion behind the designer babies bred as spare parts angle much better than the book did, I have to say it was overly disappointing as the ending totally negates any good or bad points made around the debate.

WHO TURNED OFF THE HEATER?!?!?

2010-08-10T10:20:00.000+02:00

Damn but it's cold right now!

After a few days of wonderfully warm winter weather, it's like someone turned off the sun and moved the Arctic here! My joints are so sore and stiff and it's already after 10am.

Yesterday we were running around in tshirts and shorts, today I look like the Michelin man. And I am still cold.

Does this make me the Anti-Christ?

2010-08-06T10:28:00.000+02:00

This morning I made myself some Earl Grey tea, switched on my monitor and opened Outlook. At the bottom right hand corner the ticker counting down the number of email messages being downloaded said RECEIVING 1 OF 3 MESSAGES 34KB OF 666KB.........

Breasts and the model's brain size

2010-08-03T09:34:00.000+02:00

It's breastfeeding week time, from 1 - 7 August. Which is a good thing. It promotoes a great source of nutrition for your baby, you can eat ~~mostly~~ ~~whatever~~ normal amounts of food you want without gaining weight while your child sucks everything right out of your body and it keeps the little one healthy too. No one is arguing the point that breast is best under the right conditions. And really I most certainly don't care what you feed your baby as long as your baby gets food and doesn't starve. But when people spout off silly things without thinking, it makes me think that sometimes, the lights aren't on all the time iykwim?

Giselle Bundchen proves, sometimes, that a model's breast size directely correlates with her brain size. Miss Bundchen has a handful, quite a nice handful, but that doesn't bode well for her brain. Especially when she says that a global law forcing women to breastfeed for 6 months should be considered. Really. Read it here.

Wow. How to go about in support of women.

Moby Dick lives again in Cape Town

2010-07-23T09:17:00.000+02:00

A couple of days ago a scene reminiscent of Mellville's Moby Dick played itself out in Table Bay harbour. Two people took their yacht, the Intrepid, out for a spin in the harbour when a whale breached itself a few times before coming to land on the deck of their yacht. No one was hurt.

Missing home

2010-07-16T10:38:00.000+02:00

I was sitting behind a Jeep yesterday in traffic when it struck me how completely different the composition of the traffic can be between Cape Town and Pretoria.

I grew up near Milnerton / Tableview where the beach was a 5 minute drive from home. Cars were mostly rusted junkheaps from all the saltwater, older cars that kids would inherit from their parents. Newer cars stood out like a sore thumb. Here it's all about shiny and new. My little 13yo Polo sometimes looks out of place in the school parking lot amongst all the Audis, Mercs and BMs, SUVs. Everyone is always in a rush to get somewhere and nobody smiles.

I drive with the music blaring singing away in a car that looks like it belongs at the beach. For the first time in a long time I really missed home.

The Mommy Wars

2010-07-02T11:36:00.000+02:00

I am a mother. My first priority is to raise my children to be good, conscientious little people who grow up to be compassionate passionate empathic adults, to make sure they have a good basic grounding to build on.

My first priority is not to compete with you so that I can have bragging rights to whose parenting method is the best.

My first priority is not to consistently try and outdo you whenever you feel slighted because my kid has joined some society or outside sport or the library.

My first priority is not to dress my kids in designer brands because you deem everything else cheap rubbish.

My first priority is not to be that mom who always manages to embarrass her child because she's competing fiercely for title of Mom of the Year yet manages to neglect the tiniest need of said child.

The Kruger

2010-06-25T10:27:00.000+02:00

Last Friday Himself, J&C and I piled into our car at 4am and took a short 5 hour drive to the Oliphants camp in the Kruger Park. We spent the first night there and two nights at Skukuza.

My kids are orphans

2010-06-14T09:37:00.000+02:00

Sports orphans that is.

On Saturday alone there were 3 soccer matches, 3 rugby matches, a 5 day cricket match, qualifying for the Canadian grand prix, tennis.....

J&C pretty much had to fend for themselves.

Sunday wasn't much better. 3 soccer matches, 1 rugby match, the grand prix, tennis, the 5 day cricket match continued....

The coming weeks until the soccer world cup ends is going to be very lonely for them. At least now they are old enough to be able to feed themselves even if it is just peanutbutter and jam sandwiches.

Blow me

2010-06-13T20:50:00.000+02:00

I don't spit or swallow but blow me and I might! :)

Focusing on the good

2010-06-08T10:52:00.000+02:00

There's no point dwelling on the sad state of affairs that is part and parcel of living in this country. There is no point in wondering when it will happen again (for it will). There is no point in living each and every single day in fear. Seize the moment, live life.

It's been almost 2 weeks since the hijacking. I have relived each and every single second over and over until some nights I wake up in a cold sweat thinking about all the what ifs. What if they had been in a bad mood or what if they had been out for more than just a car? What if all they wanted was to kill?

It's easy for me to rationalise that in this country at this particular time poverty has led to a culture of give me what you have and if you don't I will take it by force. It's also easy for me to rationalise that these 4 young men are living somewhere in a hovel and this is their only means of supporting themselves. But reality is that they are not living lives of utter despair. They were far too professional for that. They live off of their bad deeds. They don't steal because they are hungry, they steal because they can.

We have become so used to crime that it doesn't shock us anymore, we are used to reading news stories every day where people are killed for the 5 bucks in their pocket or the cell phone in their bag. We should be shocked every time it happens.

One sad legacy of this incident is that J&C now fear black people, not just black men but black people in general. This in turn adds to a racial tension that previously wasn't present in our lives. It's heartbreaking when your 7 year old daughter asks you why black people hurt white people or do they hurt anyone and you have to think for a second before answering. Because all you really want to say is that you hope those black bastards die a slow and horrible death for causing this fear in the first place, that they are animals not human beings.

Then you remember that every single day in black South Africa there are far more horrific crimes, crimes that go unnoticed or unmentioned. You also remember the two teenage black youths that live next door who came to your aid, took your children into their home and kept them safe while the street crawled with police, who offered you sanctuary and whose names you didn't know until that day.

Ha ha Mr President!

2010-06-03T18:33:00.000+02:00

I'm no fan of Jacob Zuma, in fact I think the man is a 3 ring circus. I had a good laugh at his expense tonight though.

Himself sent me a link about the Seli 1 that has started burning on Blouberg via News24.com (stunning photos!). The story that caught my eye though was this one, the one about Zuma's second wife Nompumelelo Ntuli Zuma and an apparent affair with a bodyguard who conveniently committed suicide when the affair was discovered. She's pregnant.

And we are surprised why? I mean, her husband appeared in court a few years ago after having unprotected forced sex with an HIV positive woman then said he washed the AIDS virus off with hot water and soap, he's slept with more than just his many wives and impregnated women he is not married to.

So why the fuss (if it turns out to be true) that his own wife cuckolded him? Get over yourself Mr President. You set a magnificent example not only to your many wives, girlfriends, fiances, lovers and one night stands but to every single person in this country. Should we be shocked that one of your wives decided to try out greener pastures?

Aftermath

2010-05-31T09:53:00.000+02:00

After the police, security company and neighbourhood watch arrived on Thursday, Himself contacted a security specialist friend. He in turn contacted someone and they used my cellphone to triangulate the direction the hijackers took. My car was found about 45 minutes after the incident, safely parked and locked near a centre in Tembisa.

Of course, my wallet containing my drivers licence, ID document, cards and cash, my handbag and a few other things were no longer in the car. They even took the school lunch bags I pack for J&C. Their school bags with school books were still in the boot, which they never opened.

Even though we got the car back and the kids could go to school on Friday with their own school bags, our lives will never be the same.

Even though I am going to see a trauma counselor, I will probably never feel safe.

Even though my children seem fine on the surface, they now know that all those promises we as parents make are not true. We can't keep them safe all the time.

Now I am truly just another crime statistic

2010-05-27T17:19:00.000+02:00

J&C and I were hijacked at gunpoint today outside our home.

Motherfucking cunts got away with some cash, the car, the kids' school books.

I hope that karma fucks them over so bad in their miserable little lives (if they are ever caught).

I am thankful that the one who came running up to me with the gun didn't shoot me or harm my children.

There are few things in life

2010-05-19T16:26:00.000+02:00

that annoy the crap out of me but what I see every day between where we live and the Hans Strydom highway in the 15 minutes it takes to drive to school sends smoke pouring out of my ears.

1. The poppie in the Prada who puts her makeup on while driving all over the road.
2 The dad in this morning's traffic who loads up the car with 3 kids sharing a front seat, no seatbelt, then drives 2km per hour because he doesn't want to have an accident. Classy, real classy.
3. The dorkface mofo who rides so close to my car it looks like he's humping it.

I don't get why people have to drive like fucknuts. I really don't. The dude in his shitty little car behind me and the poppie putting on makeup aside, parents who think it is perfectly fine to drive with kids unrestrained are the worst. They treat their kids worse than you would an animal and when they get into an accident, it's never their fault.

Friday weigh in

2010-05-16T09:00:00.000+02:00

So a month in and what are the results you may be wondering?

I've picked up 1.7kg (that's almost 4lbs).....

But I have also lost a whopping 21.5cm (about 10 inches) from all over my body!

7cm of those from just around my waist.

You think the gym is doing it's thing? I do.

Mothers Day 2010

2010-05-09T15:45:00.000+02:00

Once a year our special day comes along. That day where mothers the world over have complete meltdowns and cry because their little Precious has made a work of art that just melts their hearts and makes up for everything. The one day a year that kids can do whatever they want and their moms stand by and watch them do it.

Hope all you moms out there have an awesome day!

Funerals

2010-05-07T09:51:00.000+02:00

A website I post on has a discussion about funerals.

It's always been my dream to go out in a blaze of glory. I want piles of wood, I want a wooden ship (a pile of logs bound by rope will do), I want oil and nice smelly stuff poured all over my dead body, essential oils to mask the smell of burning flesh, pine needles.....and a roaring fire.

That's how I want my funeral to be.

My boobs are shrinking

2010-05-05T09:11:00.000+02:00

After my 6th gym session, I made an appointment with one of the trainers to be smart carded on the Curves smart card system. It's basically a chip in a piece of plastic that you insert into a slot on each machine which then calibrates to your first round while programming the chip.

The evil part is that this chip knows, it knows I tell you! I can't fake it now.

After the session to programme this evil piece of plastic, it was time to be measured and weighed. My boobs are shrinking. Nothing else is.

A needle in a haystack found

2010-05-04T07:22:00.000+02:00

From a previous post, my adoring readers know that I am putting together the family tree. I really thought it would be a needle in a haystack, trying to find out where Himself's great great grandfather originally came from in the USA.

When MIL first asked about the possibility of finding his birthplace, we didn't even know what date and year he was born. At one point I thought of telling her not to get her hopes up, The Net isn't the all powerful sentient programme that many think it can be. Then I "met" someone online who offered her help. She did a few searchers on ancestry.com based on the information we had, which wasn't much.

While she was helping us search for this needle, I started digging around on our own archive online database and found a letter written by auther Lawrence Green, requesting information on Himself's great great grandfather for his book In the Land of the Afternoon. Still, it yielded no new information.

Then a couple of weeks ago I treid searching our national archive again. I received a copy of the document yesterday, with everything in it I need to find out if Himself's great great grandfather had any siblings, and if any of those had children who had children. It would be fun to find some relatives still living in the US don't you think?

And all because a government official did not believe the old man when he said he was old eough to receive a pension after working as a teacher for 25 years.

What does that mean?

2010-05-02T10:40:00.000+02:00

I sometimes forget that my many blog readers are not South Africans, as one kindly pointed out on my last post. Hell, even I didn't quite know how sjamboks are made! :)

So, in the spirit of being a good host for the upcoming influx of tourists who will be coming to watch the 2010 soccer World Cup, I thought I'd take some time to educate those not from around these here parts.

A

Ag (pronounced agh, as in the Scottish loch) - Generally used at the beginning of a sentence, either to express resignation - as in: "Ag well, I guess that's just the way it is" - or to indicate irritation, as in: "Ag no man! What did you do that for?"

B

Babbelas (pronounced bub-buh-luss) - A hangover. "Jislaaik, china, I dopped 20 dumpies last night and now I have a hang of a babbelas" would translate as: "Gee, my friend, I drank 20 beers last night and now I have a terrible hangover."

Bagel - An overly groomed materialistic young man, and the male version of a kugel.

Bakgat (pronounced buck-ghut) - Well done, cool, awesome.

Bakkie (pronounced bucky) - A pick-up truck.

Bergie - From the Afrikaans berg, mountain, originally referring to vagrants who sheltered in the forests of Cape Town's Table Mountain and now a mainstream word for anyone who is down and out.

Biltong (pronounced bill-tong) - This South African favourite is dried and salted meat, similar to beef jerky, although it can be made from ostrich, kudu or any other red meat.

Bioscope - A cinema or movie theatre, originally a defunct international English word that has survived longer in South Africa because of the influence of the Afrikaans bioskoop.

Biscuit - In South Africa a cookie is known as a biscuit. The word is also a term of affection, as in "Hey, you biscuit".

Bliksem - To beat up, hit or punch - or a mischievous person.

Blooming (pronounced blimmin) - A variation on very, as in: "That new bakkie is blimmin big."

Bobotie (pronounced buh-boor-tee) - A dish of Malay origin, made with minced meat and spices, and topped with an egg sauce.

Boerewors (pronounced boor-uh-vors) - Literally, farmer's sausage. A savoury sausage developed by the Boers - today's Afrikaners - some 200 years ago, boerewors is South African food at its most traditional.

Boet (pronounced like book, with a t) - A term of affection, from the Afrikaans for brother.

Boma (pronoumced bow-mah) - An open thatched structure used for dinners, entertainment and parties.

Bosberaad - A strategy meeting or conference, usually held in a remote bushveld (bos) location such as a game farm.

Braai (pronounced br-eye) - An outdoor barbecue, where meat such as steak, chicken and boerewors are cooked, served with pap and sauce.

Bru (pronounced brew) - A term of affection, shortened from Afrikaans broer, meaning brother. An example would be "Hey, my bru, howzit?"

Bredie (pronounced brear-dee) - A traditional South African mutton stew, first brought to the country by Malay immigrants. It now refers to any kind of stew.

C

Café (pronounced kaf-ay, kaffee or kayff) - The ubiquitous small neighbourhood convenience store, often found on street corners and stocking cigarettes, cold drinks and newspapers.

China - To most people China is the country with the largest population in the world, but to a South African it can mean something entirely different. China means good friend, as in "This oke's my china". It's one of the few Cockney rhyming slang words to survive in the country, coming from china plate = mate.

Chommie - Friend, from the English chum.

Cooldrink, colddrink - This is the common term for a soda, such as Coca-Cola. Ask for a soda in South Africa and you will receive a club soda.

D

Deurmekaar (pronounced deer-muh-carr) - An Afrikaans for confused, disorganised or stupid, as in "He's a bit deurmekaar.

Dinges (pronounced ding-us) - A thing, thingamabob, whatzit, whatchamacallit or whatsizname: "When is dinges coming around?"

Doek (pronounced like book) - A head scarf worn to protect a woman's hair on a blustery day or when working.

Donga - A natural ditch resulting from severe soil erosion. From the isiZulu for wall.

Donner (pronounced dor-nuh) - Beat up. From the Afrikaans donder, meaning thunder.

Dop - An alcoholic drink: "Can I pour you a dop?" It can also mean failure: "I dopped the test."

Dorp - A small town on the platteland.

Droewors - Dried boerewors, similar to biltong.

Dummy - A baby's pacifier.

Dumpie - A South African beer served in a brown 340ml bottle.

Durbs - The city of Durban.

Dwaal (pronounced dwarl) - Lack of concentration or focus: "Sorry, I was in a bit of a dwaal. Could you repeat that?"

E

Eina (pronounced ay-nuh or ay-nar) - Ouch! Can also mean sore.

Eish (pronounced aysh) - Used to express surprise, wonder, frustration or outrage: "Eish! That cut was eina!"

F

Fixed up - Used to mean that's good or sorted. Example: "Let's meet at the restaurant." The reply: "Fixed up."

Flog - No whips implied. South Africans use flog to mean sell, as in "I've had enough of this old car. I think it's time I flogged it."

Frikkadel (pronounced frik-kuh-dell) - A traditional meatball.

Fundi - Expert. From the Nguni umfundisi, meaning teacher or preacher.

G

Gatvol (pronounced ghut-foll) - Taken from Afrikaans, this means fed up, as in "Jislaaik china, I'm gatvol of working in this hot sun." Translation: "Gee my friend, I'm fed up with working in this hot sun."

Gogga (pronounced gho-gha or gho-gho) - Insect, bug. From the Khoikhoi xo-xon.

Gogo (pronounced goh-goh) - Grandmother or elderly woman, from isiZulu.

Graze - Eat.

H

Hang of - Very or big, as in: "It's hang of a difficult" or "I had a hang of a problem".

Hap (pronounced hup) - Taste, bite, as in "Take a hap of this".

Hey - The popular expression hey can be used as a standalone question meaning pardon or what - "Hey? What did you say?" Or it can be used to prompt affirmation or agreement, as in "It was a great film, hey?"

Howzit - A traditional South African greeting that translates roughly as "How are you?", "How are things?" or simply "Hello".

I

Indaba (pronounced in-daa-bah) - A conference or expo, from the isiZulu word meaning a matter for discussion

Inyanga - A traditional herbalist and healer.

Is it (pronounced as one word: izit) - An expression frequently used in conversation and equivalent to is that so? It is sometimes used to express mild surprise. For example: "My ironing board is the same colour as yours!"; the reply: "Is it?"

J

Ja (pronounced yaa) - Yes.

Jawelnofine (pronounced yar well no fine) - A mix of Afrikaans and English, this is similar to the rhetorical expression "How about that?" It is used to express surprise and a sense that things aren't really fine but there's not much you can do about it.

Jislaaik (pronounced yis-like) - An expression of outrage or surprise: "Jislaaik, I just saw Elvis!"

Jol - A versatile word with many meanings, including party, disco, having fun, or just thing.

Jozi - The city of Johannesburg.

Just now - If a South African tells you they will do something "just now", they mean they'll do it in the near future - not immediately: "I'll do the dishes just now." (or possibly never).

K

Kak - Meaning shit. As in "That was a kak day." Not considered by many South Africans to be a swear word.

Kif - Cool, neat, great or wonderful. From the Arabic kayf, meaning enjoyment or wellbeing.

Koki (pronounced koh-key) - A coloured marker or felt-tip pen.

Koppie (pronounced kor-pie) - A small hill.

Kugel (pronounced koo-gell) - An overly groomed materialistic young woman, from the Yiddish for a plain pudding garnished as a delicacy. See bagel.

L

Laduma! (pronounced la-doooooooooooo-mah) - A popular cheer celebrating goals scored at soccer matches, from the isiZulu for it thunders.

Lappie (pronounced luppie) - A cleaning cloth.

Lekgotla (pronounced lek-ghot-lah) - A planning or strategy session.

Lekker (pronounced lekk-irr with a rolling r) - Nice, good, great, cool or tasty.

M

Madiba (pronounced muh-dee-buh) - An affectionate name for former President Nelson Mandela, and the name of his clan.

Mal - Mad, from the Afrikaans.

Marmite - A popular spread made from a salty vegetable extract and used on bread or toast.

Mielie (pronounce mih-lih) - Maize or corn. A mielie is a maize cob, and mieliemeel is maize meal, the staple diet of South Africa.

Muti (pronounced moo-ti) - Medicine, typically traditional African medicine, from the isiZulu umuthi.

Mzansi - A popular word for South Africa.

N

Naartjie (pronounced nar-chee) - The South African word for tangerine, Citrus reticulata. Often thrown in anger at referees during rugby and soccer matches when the decision goes against your team.

Nappy - A baby's diaper.

Nca - Fine, beautiful. Pronounced with a downward click of the tongue.

Nê - Really? or is that so? Often used sarcastically.

Now now - Shortly, in a bit: "I'll be there now now."

O

Oke, ou - A man, similar to guy or bloke. The word ou (pronounced oh) can be used interchangeably.

P

Pap (pronounced pup) - The staple food of South Africa, a porridge made from mieliemeel (maize meal) cooked with water and salt to a fairly stiff consistency - stywepap being the stiffest. Pap can also mean weak or tired, and a papsak is cheap box wine sold in its foil container.

Pasop (pronounced pus-orp) - An Afrikaans word meaning beware or watch out.

Pavement - South Africans walk on pavements and drive cars on the road (at least that's the idea). The pavement is the sidewalk.

Platteland (pronounced plutt-uh-lunt) - Farmland, countryside. Literally flat land in Afrikaans, it now refers to any rural area in which agriculture takes place, including the mountainous Cape winelands.

R

Robots - Traffic lights.

Rock up - To arrive somewhere unannounced or uninvited. It's the kind of thing friends do: "I was going to go out but then my china rocked up."

Rooibos (pronounced roy-borss) - Afrikaans for red bush, this popular South African tea made from the Cyclopia genistoides bush is gaining worldwide popularity for its health benefits.

Rooinek (pronounced roy-neck) - English-speaking South African, from the Afrikaans for red neck, but without the connotations given the term in the US. It was first coined by Afrikaners decades ago to refer to immigrant Englishmen, whose white necks were particularly prone to sunburn.

Rubbish bin (alternatively dustbin or dirt bin) - Garbage can.

S

Samoosa (pronounced suh-moo-suh) - A small, spicy, triangular-shaped pie deep-fried in oil. Originally made by the Indian and Malay communities, samoosas are popular with all South Africans.

Sangoma - Traditional healer or diviner.

Sarmie - Sandwich.

Scale, scaly - To scale something means to steal it. A scaly person is not to be trusted.

Shame - Broadly denotes sympathetic feeling. Someone admiring a baby, kitten or puppy might say: "Ag shame!" to emphasise its cuteness.

Sharp - Often doubled up for effect as sharp-sharp!, this word is used as a greeting, a farewell, for agreement or just to express enthusiasm.

Shebeen - A township tavern, illegal under the apartheid regime, often set up in a private house and frequented by black South Africans. The word is originally Gaelic.

Shongololo - Large brown millipede, from the isiZulu ukushonga meaning to roll up.

Skelm (pronounced skellem) - A shifty or untrustworthy person; a criminal.

Skinner (pronounced skinner) - Gossip, from Afrikaans. A person who gossips is known as a skinnerbek: "Jislaaik bru, I'm going to donner that skinnerbek for skinnering about me." Translation: "Gee my friend, I'm going to hit that guy for gossiping about me."

Skollie (pronounced skoh-li) - Gangster, criminal, from the Greek skolios, meaning crooked.

Skop, skiet en donner (pronounced skorp, skeet en donner) - Action movie. Taken from
Afrikaans, it literally means kick, shoot and thunder.

Skrik - Fright: "I caught a big skrik." means "I got a big fright".

Skrik vir niks - Scared of nothing.

Slap chips (pronounced slup chips) - French fries, usually soft, oily and vinegar-drenched, bought in a brown paper bag. Slap is Afrikaans for limp, which is how French fries are generally made here.

Slip-slops, slops - Sandals or rubber thongs with a thin strap between the big toe and the next toe.

Smaak stukkend - Love to bits. In Afrikaans smaak means like, and stukkend means broken.

Sosatie - A kebab on a stick.

Spookgerook - Literally, in Afrikaans, ghost-smoked. Used jokingly, the word means mad or paranoid.

Smokes - Cigarettes.

Snoek (pronounced like book) - A popular and tasty fish, often eaten smoked. If you're lucky you may get to experience a snoek braai - a real South African treat.

Spanspek - Cantaloupe, an orange-fleshed melon. The word comes from the Afrikaans Spaanse spek, meaning Spanish bacon. The story goes that the Spanish wife of a colonial English governor insisted on eating melon instead of bacon for breakfast, leading her bemused Afrikaans-speaking servants to coin the word.

Stoep (pronounced stup) - Porch or verandah.

Stroppy - Difficult, uncooperative, argumentative or stubborn.

Struesbob (pronounced s-true-zz-bob) - As true as God, the gospel truth.

T

Tackies - Running shoes or sneakers. Fat tackies are extra-wide tyres.

Tannie (pronounced tunny) - An Afrikaans word meaning auntie, but also used for any older female of authority.

Taxi - Not a metered car with a single occupant, but a minibus used to transport a large number of people, and the most common way of getting around in South Africa.

To die for - An expression popular in the affluent suburbs of Johannesburg and Cape Town, denoting enthusiastic approval for an object or person: "That necklace is to die for."

Tom - Money.

Toppie - Old man.

Toyi-toyi - A knees-up protest dance.

Tsotsi - A gangster, hoodlum or thug - and the title of South Africa's first Oscar-winning movie. Although Will Smith thought otherwise at the awards ceremony, the word is not pronounced "sossy".

Tune grief - Cause trouble.

U

Ubuntu - The Southern African humanist philosophy that holds as its central tenet that a person is a person because of other people.

V

Velskoen (pronounce fell-skun) - Simple unworked leather shoes.

Vetkoek - a doughy doughnut like snack filled with jam or curried mince. Literally translates as fat cake because the dough swells up.

Voetsek (pronounced foot-sak) - Go away, buzz off.

Vrot (pronounced frot) - Rotten or smelly.

Vuvuzela - A large and colourful plastic trumpet with the sound of a foghorn, blown enthusiastically by virtually everyone in the crowd at soccer matches. The word is said to be a rough translation from isiZulu and means making noise.

W

Windgat (pronounced vint-ghut) - Show-off or blabbermouth. Taken from the Afrikaans, it literally means wind hole.

So my friends, now that you have been educated in South African, go forth and confuse!

Soooooo goooooood!

2010-04-21T10:32:00.000+02:00

I went for another torture training session this morning. Felt soooooo gooooood! Especially after I got stuck in the taxi strike action on Hans Strydom this morning. Spent about 15 minutes listening to music at full volume to drown out the noise around me. Until one of the drivers decided to berate the bus driver standing in the lane right next to me. Got a bit hairy there when he started bashing on the bus door with his sjambok. I was quite glad when the last of them finally went through and the road was open again.

Stiff

2010-04-20T11:43:00.000+02:00

That is all.

Monday's workout

2010-04-19T12:32:00.000+02:00

I dropped J&C off this morning, raced home to get changed into gym gear and sat on the couch. Until 7.50am. My first gym session started at 8am. I was cool, with my tracksuit pants, the tshirt that covers the love tyres around my waist and my bottle of orange juice and water. And my towel. Those eager little instructors descended on me to show me the gear and how to use it.

Now I don't know about any of you, but a gym for me has always been a war zone. Way back in the 90s when Health & Racquet first hit the scene, I got myself a gym membership contract. For the first six weeks I showed up religiously, got into doing water aerobics. The circuit scared the crap out of me with all the stuff you had to remember about all the machines. Then I developed the bladder infection from hell. I stopped going but still continued to pay my monthly fee. After the contract ended I never saw the inside of a gym again, until Friday when I joined up.

What I remember about my one and only gym experience were the gym bunnies, those over made up and over dressed little bodies that kept on going, and those machines.

At Curves, there was none of that. Oh there were some ladies there, but overall they looked like I did, overweight and underfit. I was done in 40 minutes. And my muscles don't hurt, yet.

I'm looking forward to Wednesday.

A gym membership

2010-04-16T09:13:00.000+02:00

I'm a fat 40yo woman with curves in places whoever created us most certainly never intended. I have a stomach that wobbles like jelly whenever I lay on my back and laugh. I look like a beached whale when entrenched under the duvet in the middle of winter.

Due to my fatness, I have reflux, high cholestrol and a lazy arse that loves the couch. And chips with dip. Hey I like food ok?

Cardio Guy told me in January that I needed to exercise at my yearly appointment. It took a while but here I am, fresh from having paid an arm and a leg to join my local Curves. I start my first round of torture on Monday, followed by Wednesday and followed by Friday.

My survival plan includes :

1 Not turning into a gym bunny.
2 Drinking lots of wine.
3 Sweating so much that no one will want to talk to me.
4 Coming home and passing out on the couch mumbling insanely.
5 Drinking lots of wine.

When family lets you down

2010-04-07T11:11:00.000+02:00

I wrote back in March about family reconnecting. At that time, the family in question sent messages back and forth on Facebook about an impending trip back to South Africa and how wonderful it will be to meet up. They would be staying with friends quite near to where we live. Like 5 minutes away by car.

I was a bit sceptical still but Himself was looking forward to seeing family members we'd last seen 8 years ago.

Well, status update this morning from the family is that they are back at home. They never called or contacted us in any way to get together like they kept saying they would and wanted to.

Makes me sad.

Another farm murder...

2010-04-04T12:58:00.000+02:00

Should it matter that Eugene Terblanche, AWB leader, was killed early evening yesterday? Or should it matter that Eugene Terblanche, farmer, was killed early evening yesterday?

He was undeniably a white supremecist, his black clad "troops" very reminiscent of the Nazi stormtroopers, a reminder of the genocide that occurred during WWII.

Either way, a man has been killed in a brutal manner, a farmer, becoming another statistic to the ever growing list of farmers that have been killed on their farms since 1994.

The only image that will ever come to mind is when he fell off his horse.

I've discovered a new veggie shop

2010-03-25T15:30:00.000+02:00

Goodbye Fruit & Veg!

There's a tiny little place that has the most amazing quality fruits and veg not far from the school J&C attend. The first time I went I asked him if he ever got Chinese cabbage in. He had no idea what it was. Two weeks ago when I popped round for some fruit, he got all excited because he'd managed to find crispy fresh Chinese cabbage. Now who goes out of their way these days to get something for someone on the off chance they might buy it?

Kudos to Telkom

2010-03-25T09:15:00.000+02:00

Normally, if this was a normal day, this post would be a rant at how pathetic Telkom's service is. Now we all know that because Telkom was once wholly state-owned and the only telephone company in the country, you had no choice but to use them. (It's still like that except they are no longer wholly state-owned.) And as a result of being a monopoly for years and years, their service, attitude and customer care was slightly lacking (probably the understatement of the year if hellopeter.com is to be believed). So you can all imagine my dread at having to call them to sort out a problem I had on Monday. I couldn't access the internet or download my email.

I had visions of me dying of old age, my corpse eventually turning to dust and blowing away before my internet access was restored.

Well, for once, Telkom's techies did a wonderful job and I was only offline for 2 days. I did have to call numerous times but with the wonderful call back feature, I spent very little time actually holding on listening to that dreadful tune they play.

So, thanks to Helen and eventually Chris at their technical support centre for ADSL users, and one small setting change on my router, I am able to keep the world updated about my life.

(Just don't ask why Himself, being an IT specialist, couldn't figure it out...)

When a lion attacks

2010-03-22T07:56:00.000+02:00

We were attacked by a lion yesterday. A genuine, wild South African lion. I kid you not. Seriously.

First she curled up in the feeding pen.

Then she sneaked into the section under the floorboards of the viewing platform to check out what was on the menu for lunch. Then she sneakily jumped 3m (about 12 feet) into the air and bashed her head against the floorboards.

In disgust at her failure to capture lunch (and nursing a very sore head), she headed outside to her sister lion on the sunning platform.

It's a dog's life

2010-03-19T12:46:00.000+02:00

Lightning has been growing so much I thought I'd better post some pics of the dog before no one recognises him anymore.

Taken this morning while he was trying to nap. He sleeps a lot!

Bonus pic - he fell asleep on my lap one morning....I didn't have the heart to disturb him.

The jungle in my backyard

2010-03-18T09:44:00.000+02:00

That's what I see every time I work or play on my computer.

Lucky 13

2010-03-16T08:04:00.000+02:00

13 years. That's how long Himself and I have been married. Even scarier number - we've known each other for 22 years. If you count the 4 years we were in the same high school and vaguely recognised each other...that's 26 years. That's a long time to be together.

We got married on the 15th of March. Yes yes, I've heard all the jokes about the date but believe me, we're not the killing kind!

As we aren't romantically inclined to go out and buy each other whatever that anniversary is supposed to be, we went out for breakfast at the Mugg & Bean at Irene Village Mall instead yesterday morning.

For R99 (that's the equivalent of just over 13 US$), Himself and I had 2 cups of house blend coffee, two cups of Mocca Java coffee (which tasted better than the house blend), He had the Sausage and Egg sarmie and I had the Delite (eggs benedict without the hollandaise, the spinach, the muffin).

The service was excellent, for a restaurant that was already open at 7.30am on a Monday morning. The staff were friendly and wide awake (unlike the patrons, 1 of whom thought it great to start complaining for no reason) and the food arrived hot from the kitchen, always a good sign.